


Reach Out & Touch Grace

by casbuddy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Human Castiel, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:30:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbuddy/pseuds/casbuddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a curse renders Castiel all but human, it forces Dean to see the angel in a new light and to find that he may like the angel more than he lets on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It had all started off as a normal hunt, well, as normal a hunt could be with Cas tagging along. Neither Dean or Sam had questioned why Cas had turned up in their motel room a month ago and never really left, joining in with their hunts. They never asked because they knew the reason, knew that Heaven wasn't exactly a fun place for Castiel to hang out anymore, that Castiel finding his own identity and free will had opened his eyes to the corruption that happened up there. Sure, it was kind of odd waking up in the middle of the night and Cas just  _being there_ , or the fact that he would trail their every move, almost as if he were worried they were going to disappear on him. Dean would sometimes see a look in Cas' eye, of pain and gratitude all mixed into one, of complete and utter devotion to the two boys and Dean would always look away because it hurt too much to think that this angel was living his life through them, that they were the only people he had in his life now, the only ones he could trust. No, Dean chose to ignore it, pretended that it was normal for Cas to always be there with them, that that was the way it had always been. And Sam and Cas played along with it too, Cas never opening up to why he was always there, and Sam just carried on being Sam, the nerdy younger brother.

Yes, it had all started with a normal hunt, a town distressed with horrific deaths, of couples turning against each other, children killing their parents, the usual crap that Dean and Sam always dealt with. Within an hour of looking at the latest crime scene they found the hex bag, and Dean had grumbled and complained because he  _hated_ witches and the sooner they killed the bitches the better. Cas had used his angel mojo to locate them and stated that there were three and they were definitely the culprits, zapping Sam and Dean to the building without a warning.

They had gone charging in with their weapons, unafraid, because hell, what could three witches do against two hunters and a freaking angel of the lord? Turns out, a whole lot more than they bargained for.


	2. Dean Hates Witches

'One, two, three' Dean gestured with his fingers before slamming open the door, a feeling of satisfaction hitting him when he saw the surprised looks of terror on the witches faces. Yeah, this was going to be fun.

They each picked out a witch, charging forward, Sam and Dean with knives, Cas without any weapons because he didn't exactly need them when he was Mr Smitey with his hands.

Dean started towards his witch of choice, ignoring Sam trying to fight the witch in his peripheral vision, focussing on the witch at hand because he knew witches, knew they were sneaky bastards that would get you as soon as your back was turned. It turned out that he'd chosen the leader of the three which meant she was a little more prepared and less all over the place than the other two. As he ran towards her, the witch snarled, flicking her wrist, Dean's knife escaping Dean's grip, flying over to the other room, Dean flying to the other side, hitting the wall with a crash. Dean growled, getting up, ready to fight again but to his right Castiel placed his hand on the other witch, a flash of light burning Dean's retinas, causing him to pause and he cursed. Trust Cas to make him go temporarily blind during a hunt.

"No!" the lead witch screeched, before turning towards Castiel, fire in her eyes, "What  _are_ you?"

Castiel didn't reply, instead just walked towards the lead witch calmly, his palm up, ready to smite the crap out of her. The witch started to chant some foreign shit that Dean had never heard of and Cas cried out as he was flung backwards. The witch smirked, so busy with her chanting that she didn't notice Dean was next to her until the knife was sticking into her throat. Yeah, that taught her to try and put some curse on his angel. Wait, did he say  _his_  angel?

"Dammit," Sam yelled as the remaining witch disappeared, breaking Dean's train of thought.

"You let her get away?" Dean barked.

Sam gave him his best bitch face "Every time I tried to get at her it was like I was hitting an invisible shield, she  _was_ a witch you know Dean. Besides I didn't exactly see you kicking ass either."

Dean rolled his eyes, trying to think of a good comeback and running up short so, instead, turned to Cas for support because he knew Cas would side with him, as he always did, due to that whole 'profound bond' crap.

"Hey Cas, tell him-" he stopped short when he saw that Cas was still on the ground, his eyes flittering as he came to.

"Cas," Dean shouted, running to his side, placing his arms on Cas' shoulders, bringing him up to a sitting position.

"Dean," Castiel looked up at him, complete horror in his face, and Dean could feel the pit of his stomach already churning with uneasiness.

"What is it Cas?" Dean gripped his shoulders tighter, as if that would make the pure fear in Castiel's eyes go away.

"I cannot-" Cas started, struggling to say the words aloud, "I cannot reach my grace."

"What?" Dean asked, his head shaking slightly, memories of 2014 human Cas coming to his brain, making him feel like he was going to vomit.

Castiel's eyes widened "I cannot reach my grace."

Dean just kneeled there, not knowing what to do or say and Cas was looking at him like he should know all the answers and it just made him want to vomit even more because Cas shouldn't be looking up to him like that, looking at him like he could make this all better.

"You can't reach it? So does- does that mean it's still in there, like, it's not gone, but you just can't get to it?" Sam asked, trying to calm the situation and Dean just wanted to hug him right there because Sam was most definitely the best in these situations.

Cas was silent for a while, a look of concentration on his face "Yes, it is still there. I can feel it but cannot reach it."

"That witch must have cast some kind of a spell on you," Sam frowned.

"So how do we fix this?" Dean thought aloud, the nausea still there, and it was difficult to stop his voice croaking with worry. God, what had happened to him, he was turning into a teenage girl.

"Well, that one witch got away, right? She must have heard what the spell was and I'm sure she'll be able to tell us how to reverse it."

"Yeah, that's great and all, but one, she  _got away_  and we don't know where the hell she is. And two, even if we did find her repulsive ass, we've just killed her two friends, she's not exactly going to help us is she?"

"I know of some locating spells to track her down," Castiel offered, still staring at Dean, and Dean swore that the guy hadn't taken his eyes off him during this whole freaking conversation.

"Great Cas," Sam smiled, then his face darkened, "And if we have to, we'll force the spell out of her."

"Yeah, and I'll be first in line," Dean muttered to himself.

"I'll need certain ingredients for the locating spell," Castiel said.

"Look, maybe we should leave that till the morning, y'know go to a motel, rest up for the night, then we'll be ready for her tomorrow," Sam shrugged.

As much as Dean wanted to sort out this weird curse issue out right now and stab the witch that got away, he had to agree with Sam. Dean had slept a good two hours last night and all the worry that he was feeling for Cas was transcending to tiredness. He just needed sleep, some time to sort the mess out in his head.

"Sounds like a good idea, nothing's going to change in the night anyway, might as well rest before we take on a pissed off witch," Dean agreed.

"Let's go then," Sam said, already walking out.

"Dean," Castiel murmured.

"Hmm?" Dean asked before looking down at Cas and realising that he still had his fingers gripping into his shoulders, his fingers bone white because he'd been holding that tightly. Oh. Dean fought the urge to blush, and got up suddenly, rubbing his hands to give them something to do. He walked to the exit and he heard Cas follow like he was his shadow.

It didn't take long for Dean to find the nearest motel and it looked just as shitty as all the rest had done in the past. The drive there had been strained, Cas sitting silently, contemplating whatever the hell angels who couldn't reach their grace contemplated about, Sam trying to make conversation about how things 'could be worse' and Dean just didn't answer, too busy looking back at Cas to make sure he wasn't going to have some freak out.

"I'll go get us some rooms," Sam said, leaving the car.

Dean got out of the car, grabbing their bags from beside Cas, then rummaging around in the boot for no damn reason, taking as much time as possible because he didn't want to have to get back in that car, didn't want to have to sit there with a silent Cas, a silent Cas who had just had his powers taken from him. He just didn't know how to deal with that kind of shit, Sam was the touchy feely 'I feel your pain, here let me help' guy out of the two of them, not Dean.

Sam returned shortly, giving Dean a funny look at the fact that he was still rummaging around the boot but didn't say anything about it, instead throwing a set of keys at him.

"Here's your keys for yours and Cas' room."

"Wait, why do I have to share with him?" Dean asked.

"They only had rooms with two beds in and I don't think it's a good idea for Cas to be alone right now," Sam cast a wary glance at the car, at the unmoving Castiel.

"That still doesn't explain why I'm the one who's sharing with him and not you," Dean mumbled, but he knew what Sam was going to say back before it even left his mouth.

"Hey, you have your little 'profound bond' thing. Cas'll listen to you, hell, he follows you like you have all the answers at the best of times so I think he's going to want you to bunk with him more than he wants me," Sam shrugged, smirking slightly.

Dean just sighed melodramatically, shoving Sam's bag at him, then grabbing his own. He tapped the window of the impala and Cas jolted, peering at him through the glass.

"Are you planning on getting out of the car at any point or what?"

Castiel stared for a couple of more seconds before realising what Dean had said, opening the car door clumsily, as if it was something he'd never done before and Dean supposed he hadn't.

"Come on, you're sharing with me," Dean gestured for Cas to follow.

The room was small, dark wallpaper making it seem even smaller and it reminded Dean of a funeral home. The usual five star motel shit. He threw his bag on the bed, finding a t-shirt and sweats to wear to sleep. He normally just slept in his boxers but for some reason it made him feel awkward to think about doing that with Cas in the room. He didn't know why, Cas was a freaking angel, he wouldn't bat an eyelid if Dean ran around naked, but still, it felt weird. He cast a glance at Cas who was perched on the other bed, his face unreadable as always.

"Uh, Cas you've got to sleep," Dean said, trying not to bark the order but it was difficult not to. It was always easier for Dean to set his emotions aside and instead order his loved ones about. A stupid habit but one that was hard to let go.

"Dean, I'm an angel, I do not need sleep," Castiel shouted back, his eyes widening after it, realising that he was shouting at Dean. He shook his head slightly in regret but it was too late. Dean was about to shout back but then he looked at Cas, really looked at him, and grasped how fucking frightening it must be for Cas right now to not be able to reach his grace, to be, under most terms, a human. Sure, Cas had dealt with the process of falling before, his powers faltering, but that had been a long process and even then he still had some powers at the end of it. But now? Now he'd had them completely taken from him and Dean couldn't imagine what that feeling was like, going from an all-powerful machine to a simple shitty human.

"Yeah, I know that Cas," Dean softened his voice, "But right now you can't reach your grace and yeah, I know that sucks more than I can imagine but that's just the way it is right now. And by you not being able to reach your grace, well, it means you're pretty much human  _which means_  you need sleep. Please Cas?"

Castiel sat silent for a while, casting his eyes downwards but slowly he got up, ignoring the stare from Dean, and pulled the blanket back.

He was in the process of getting into bed when Dean said, amusement in his voice, "Wait, Cas, you can't go to bed in that."

"In what?" Castiel frowned, looking down trying to find fault in his attire.

"You can't go to bed in a trench coat," Dean pointed out, trying ridiculously hard not to laugh.

"Ah," Castiel said, enlightened, shrugging off the coat.

"Here, you can wear these," Dean threw the clothes he intended on wearing to bed at a bewildered Cas. Castiel caught them instinctively, looking at them like they were some kind of bomb. Dean rolled his eyes, and then started to delve further into his bag to find something else he could wear. It took him three goes to find a t-shirt that passed the sniff test and he managed to find another pair of sweats that he could wear right at the bottom of the bag. Yeah, those'll do. He raised his head, ready to go to the bathroom to get changed and have a wash but froze when he saw Cas. Cas who was now unbuttoning the last button of his shirt which caused Dean to yelp.

"Cas, you can't just get changed in front of me!" Dean protested, feeling his cheeks redden. Castiel tilted his head in confusion, probably wondering why Dean was having a panic attack over something as minor as this. And truth be told, he didn't know why he was protesting so much. He'd seen Sam get changed before, at times when they'd been drenched in someone's blood or some other kind of shit and hadn't cared. So why did it matter if he saw Cas topless?  _But this was different_ , Dean told himself. It was  _Cas,_ and Dean had never saw him without all those layers before, let alone his bare chest. And he should not want to see more. Wait, no, he didn't just think that.

"I'm going to the bathroom, just finish getting changed and go to bed will you? Jesus, Cas," Dean stuttered, making his way to the bathroom, shutting the door angrily behind him.

Dean tried to get the image of Cas topless out of his brain, gripping the sink. No, he corrected himself, it wasn't Cas topless at all, it was Jimmy's body,  _not_ Castiel's, which for some reason seemed to make the whole situation even worse. He rubbed at his eyes, calming himself, before getting changed.

When he'd finished in the bathroom, he was relieved to see that Cas was already in bed, lying down stiffly as if he were in a coffin, the duvet pulled right up to his neck. His eyes were closed but Dean couldn't tell whether he was actually sleeping or not, he hoped he was, having a tired Castiel that had just lost the ability to use his grace would not be fun. Nevertheless, Dean tried to make as little noise as possible as he walked to his bed before throwing himself on it, not even bothering to get under the quilt, he just needed to sleep. He closed his eyes wishing that today had been one of those weird dreams. Yeah, he'd wake up tomorrow, Cas would still be all angelic and shit and they'd go gank the witches and everything would be fine and dandy. Sure, because great things like that always happen to the Winchesters didn't they? As if.

"Goodnight Dean," Cas spoke and Dean nearly screamed like a girl.

"I thought you were asleep!" Dean barked back.

"Not yet," Castiel murmured from the other bed.

"Well, you just nearly gave me a heart attack," Dean shot up, ready to shout some more but Castiel looked at him with those puppy eyes and whispered an apology and Dean couldn't shout anymore. An image of Cas undressing came into Dean's mind, the fact that his vessel was much smaller than he thought, hiding under all those layers, making himself look larger and more dominant than he actually was. A fear hit Dean because that meant that Cas was all the more easy to hurt for however long this damn curse was going to last. Of course Cas' vessel couldn't have been some boxer or something, who was all muscle and could easily take care of himself. Nope, it had to be Jimmy Novak. But then again, Dean didn't like the idea of Cas looking any different to how he did now, couldn't imagine seeing Cas in another body, without those confused blue eyes and that ruffled hair.

"What Dean?" Castiel asked and Dean knew that if they were standing, he'd be giving him the full head tilt.

"You know how you're basically human right now? Well, uh, if you're basically human in that vessel then where's Jimmy?" Dean asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

"Jimmy is no longer with me," Castiel whispered, his eyes casting downwards.

"Oh," Dean uttered, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't exactly used to how to comfort a freaking angel of the lord on losing the person whose body he was using.

"He's now in Heaven, hopefully being rewarded as he should be," Castiel said, and Dean could see that he was uncomfortable, that Castiel didn't like the idea of not knowing whether Jimmy was okay up there or not. Dean hoped he was, Jimmy had been a good guy, had kinda felt sorry for him and his whole crappy situation.

"I'm sure he's enjoying it up there," Dean said, trying to be comforting.

"Yes," Castiel said, unsure.

"Night Cas," Dean smiled at Cas because if he was being honest, Cas did look kinda adorable all wrapped up in a duvet, only his head peeking out.

"Goodnight."


	3. I Love You and Everything

Dean woke up with a groan, shifting around uncomfortably, turning around on the bed to avoid the light coming through the flimsy motel curtains. He frowned when he saw that Sam was still asleep in bed, he was usually up at dawn like a crazy person. But then last night came back to him. Cas was human and it was him occupying the bed, not Sam. Oh. Dean just wanted to go back to sleep and pretend that this wasn't happening but then he reminded himself that they were going to fix this sorry mess today. They'd find the witch that got away, force her to reverse the spell and then Cas would be back to his nerdy angel ways. The thought seemed to spur him on as he threw off the duvet, and walked into the bathroom quietly. He cherished the fact that this motel actually had hot water that didn't keep freezing every five seconds. He always knew the day was going to be good when he could have a nice shower. After he dried off he realised that he'd forgotten to bring the clothes in with him. Oh well, he'd just have to hope Cas was still sleeping, and quickly throw on his clothes. No big deal.

He draped the towel around his waist, creeping into the bedroom. Turns out, he shouldn't have bothered because Cas was sitting up in his bed, staring into space.

He turned to see Dean and frowned "I thought we weren't supposed to undress in front of each other."

"Yeah, well, I forgot to take my clothes into the shower with me," Dean said, flustered.

"Oh," was all Cas could muster. Dean narrowed his eyes at him and couldn't help but notice the very dark circles under his eyes.

"Dude, did you get any sleep at all?"

"Not particularly. I find it difficult to…" Cas paused, "give in like that, to make my mind drift off, to make yourself and I unprotected."

"Cas, no one was going to get us while we were asleep," Dean sighed, choosing his usual attire from his bag, putting a t-shirt on quickly because yeah, he was sort of naked in front of his angel and it was weird.

"I suppose I should shower," Castiel offered, changing the subject.

"Yeah you should, don't want to smell or anything," Dean teased, before rummaging in his bag, finding a plain grey t-shirt and jeans, placing them on the end of Cas' bed.

"I should wear these?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, if you want," Dean shrugged.

Castiel just nodded, getting out of the bed awkwardly, clutching the clothes to his chest before going to the bathroom. At first, after a few minutes of silence, Dean thought that maybe Cas didn't actually know how to work a shower or what it even involved but soon enough he heard the sound of water and Dean supposed he needed to give the angel some more slack. The guy had been trailing them for how long, he was bound to have picked up some basic human knowledge from them.

A knock from the door jolted Dean and he was already glancing at the pillow where he'd left his gun.

"Dean, it's me," he heard Sam shout, slight annoyance in his voice.

Dean opened the door to a wary looking Sam.

"How is he?" Sam whispered, looking into the room, then his face going white, "Wait, where is he?!"

"Relax Sam, he's in the shower. What, you think I'm capable of just losing Cas?" Dean snorted.

"No," Sam protested, sitting down on Dean's bed, "So, how is he?"

"Well, he can't reach his grace, by the looks of it got no sleep whatsoever last night and oh, the only two people who can help him are us. How do you think he feels Sammy?" Dean snapped back and he didn't mean to, not really, but the shittiness of the whole situation was dawning on him again.

Sam cringed "Yeah, okay, I see what you mean."

"But at least we can sort it out today, get him back with his mojo."

Before Sam could reply, the bathroom door opened and Cas walked out it. Dean tried not to stare but it was kind of difficult when he was seeing Cas wear jeans for the first freaking time. Sure, the t-shirt and jeans were slightly too big for him but that just made it seem to work even more, the t-shirt low enough that you could see his collarbone. Dean gulped.

"You borrowed him your clothes?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah," Dean grunted, "Thought he couldn't exactly wear that suit all the time he was human, it would start to stink and it's not exactly comfortable when you don't have your grace hiding that fact."

"Does it look okay?" Cas asked, nervously tugging at the t-shirt, his eyes wide. His hair was still wet, messy as if Cas had just rubbed a towel through it, and Dean couldn't help but notice the water droplets falling from his hair, trailing down his face, over his lips, to that damn collarbone.

"Yeah, you look good Cas," Dean replied far too quickly and he got a smirk off Sam.

Dean coughed then changed the subject "Right Cas, you said you have a locating spell we could use to get the bitch."

"Yes," Castiel nodded.

There was silence and then Sam said "Er, want to tell us how to do it?"

"Yes, of course."

Turns out, the spell needed some ingredients that they couldn't exactly get from Walmart and when they'd questioned Cas why he didn't tell them this yesterday, they'd gotten the response 'you told me to leave it until tomorrow morning'. Sometimes Mr Literal could have his downsides, in fact, Dean pondered, there wasn't any upsides to Cas taking everything literally, apart from the occasional laughs it brought.

After a phone call from Bobby, who'd actually been quite sympathetic to the whole situation, they found out that he had most of the ingredients bar three but he had a friend who they could get it from. Only problem was his friend was several miles in the opposite direction to Bobby's.

"Wait, so we're going to have to drive to his friend's, get the stuff from there, then drive back on ourselves all the way to Bobby's?!" Dean growled, already feeling his head begin to ache. What had he said again? That today was going to be a good day? Yeah right.

"I guess so," Sam sighed, "But at least then we can do the spell at Bobby's, one extra person to hold down a witch."

"No," Castiel shook his head, looking down, still slightly bewildered at his clothes, "We have to perform the spell where we last saw her. The spell is specifically for witches or other supernatural beings that can travel in a way like that. The only way for the spell to work is to do it in the exact place she left; the spell uses the energy they left to bring them back again."

"Great, so that means we have to drive to Bobby's friend, come back on ourselves, drive to Bobby's, then drive all the way back here?!"

"Maybe not," Sam raised his eyebrows, "How about I drive to Bobby's, get the stuff from there, and you and Cas go get the other stuff from Bobby's friend. Then we can meet up here tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow morning?" Dean spat out.

"Dean, it's going to take me how many hours to get to Bobby's. If I drove there and right back here I wouldn't be in any state to take on a witch. It would be easier for me just to crash as soon as I got there, then get here tomorrow morning."

"Yeah you're right," Dean said begrudgingly but it still meant that they were going to have to wait a whole other day to sort this mess out and he wanted to sort it out now. The longer Cas was human, the longer he was vulnerable to death and to, well, a breakdown.

Sam seemed to read his mind and replied "Look man, I want to sort this out just as much as you do but we need to do this right if we're going to get Cas back to normal."

"Yeah, alright Sammy."

A stomach growled loudly which caused Sam and Dean to stare at Cas, their eyes narrowed. Because seriously, it was not normal for Cas to be making these human noises, it was just downright weird and Dean didn't like it. Castiel looked confused, red flushing his cheeks, looking awkwardly down at his stomach.

"Well, before anyone drives anywhere, we need to eat," Dean smirked and he supposed that teaching Castiel what good food was might actually be fun.

They reached the nearest diner in ten minutes, one that looked like all the rest they went to over the country: cheap, greasy, and at least one letter missing from the sign above the door. They chose a booth, Dean sitting next to Cas, forcing him to sit by the window, Sam sitting opposite.

A bored looking teenager came up to them within a couple of minutes, chewing on gum unattractively "What's your order please?"

"I'll just have a poached egg please," Sam ordered and Dean narrowed his eyes at the fact that his brother always had the healthy crap, instead of having fun with it.

"And me and Cas'll have pancakes with loads of syrup," Dean smiled at the waitress and he was flattered to see the girl cracking her first smile since she'd come to their booth. Yep, Dean still had it. The girl didn't even question why Dean was ordering for his friend, just nodded and noted it down, walking off to the back.

"Pancakes?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, pancakes," Dean smiled reassuringly, patting Cas' shoulder, "If you're human and you have to eat to survive, you've got to eat pancakes for breakfast. They're like sugary heaven."

Castiel frowned "Sugary heaven?"

"Uh, yeah, forget that I said that, they're much better than heaven. Trust me on this Cas, you'll love 'em," Dean smoothed it over, trying to ignore that he'd just reminded his friend, who wasn't an angel at the current moment of heaven, a place he didn't even see as his home anymore. Honestly, Dean sometimes wanted to punch himself in the face over how he had no freaking tact whatsoever.

"Okay," Castiel added automatically, causing a pain in Dean's heart because Cas always did that, followed Dean's orders without a thought and Dean should not have that much power, didn't want it and certainly didn't deserve it.

"You can have something else instead if you want, er, have a poached egg or something," Dean rambled, ignoring the weird look on Sam's face.

"No, I trust your judgement Dean," Castiel said gravely, doing that whole 'staring into your soul' thing which Dean supposed was kind of possible with Cas, he had sown him back together, soul and all, from hell.

The teenager was suddenly back, two plates piled high with pancakes, dropping them down in front of Cas and Dean, telling Sam that his breakfast would be done soon. Dean went to shovel down his food but stopped, putting his attention on Cas first.

"Dude, try it," Dean said, intrigued as to how Cas was going to react to it. Castiel stared at Dean for a moment, picked up the fork and cut off a small slice. He hovered it by his mouth, looking at Dean again who nodded in approval. Castiel placed it in his mouth, chewing it slowly, gulping it down.

"Well?" Dean asked.

"I enjoyed that," Castiel smiled slightly, taking another bite.

"Told you," Dean bumped his shoulder against before tucking into his own food.

"Corrupting an angel Dean," Sam said disapprovingly but a smile hit his lips. Dean just smirked back before scoffing pancake into his mouth.

"Sam, Dean is not corrupting me, he is just teaching me human customs," Castiel's forehead creased.

Sam laughed "Yeah, I know that Cas, I was just joking."

"Oh," Castiel replied before eating more of his breakfast which rewarded him with an approving nod by Dean.

"Sam's just sad because he just eats healthy crap that tastes like shit," Dean whispered loudly to Cas and Sam just gave a bitch face in return.

" Sam, I would recommend you to eat food such as pancakes more often, they are very appealing to the taste," Castiel 's eyebrows high, as if Sam really was actually in pain because he didn't eat pancakes. Honestly, Cas was endearingly gullible.

"No thanks Cas, I'm happy with eating food that won't give me a heart attack," Sam said the last part to Dean.

Castiel turned to Dean, a look of pure alarm on his face "Dean, will eating pancakes give you a heart attack?"

"Cas, you'll be fine alright," Dean glared at Sam because Dean had actually made Cas smile for the first time since this whole curse shit through pancakes and now Sam had ruined it.

"No, not me, you. Will eating pancakes make you have a heart attack?" Castiel asked, eyeing up the pancakes like they were now some kind of devil food that couldn't be trusted, before snapping his eyes back up to Dean, worry intermixed with fear in his eyes.

"No, course not. The burgers'd probably cause the heart attack first," Dean grinned then realised that he was trying to joke with a freaking angel who wouldn't get it and instantly regretted his words. Cas' bottom lip actually freaking quivered and at first Dean was silently pleased because hey, it showed how much Cas actually cared for his wellbeing but then it made Dean feel like a dick, especially when Sam kicked him under the table, glaring at him like he'd just told a three year old that Santa wasn't real.

"Dude, I'm joking. I'm not going to have a heart attack," Dean placed his hand on Cas' shoulder, squeezing slightly, "Besides, if I were to, you could just zap me back to full health cause you're cool like that."

"When I can reach my grace, then yes, of course I would heal you. Perhaps while I cannot you should refrain from eating burgers and pancakes," Castiel said, actually sliding Dean's plate of pancakes away from Dean to the far side of the table.

"Cas! I'm not going to have a heart attack in the next twenty four hours. You see what you've caused?" Dean asked the question to Sam, scowling at the fact that Sam was laughing hysterically.

"Still, Dean it would make me more comfortable," Castiel said before taking a bite from his own freaking pancake, smiling at the taste. Yeah, like that was fair. Dean reached over and grabbed his plate which Cas grabbed too which caused a weird tug of war with Sam watching in amusement.

"Dean," Castiel pleaded but let go of the plate all the same.

"Cas, I love ya and everything but you are not going to stop me from eating burgers and pancakes," Dean stuffed a forkful of pancakes into his mouth.

Sam stopped laughing and asked slowly "Dean, did you just tell Cas you love him?"

Dean froze, trying not to choke on the food which was proving to be difficult because shit, he had just said that hadn't he? Why the fuck did he just say that he loved Cas?

"Uh.."

"Haha, you did. You luuurrrve Cas," Sam teased before laughing like a maniac.

"Shut up Sammy," Dean growled, trying to stop his cheeks from reddening. Why did Dean have to say such stupid things sometimes? It was Cas' fault, Cas' fucking stupid adorableness. And then Dean realised he'd just called an angel adorable and he wanted to smack his head off the table. Hard. Sam was still grinning like an idiot which didn't help the matters either.

"I do not find what it so amusing about Dean loving me. Love is amusing to you Sam?" Castiel asked and Dean groaned because he was not making the situation any better. Castiel looked at Dean, an unreadable expression on his face and Dean just sat there and stared back, unsure of what to do or say. Damn those blue eyes. Dean jolted from his staring contest as Sam started to hoot again and Dean was this close to socking him one.

"Don't you have to get to Bobby's?" Dean growled.

"Yeah," Sam stood up, stretching before leaning down to Dean and Cas, smirking "Besides, I should leave you two lovebirds alone."

And with that Dean threw the rest of his pancake at Sam's face which caused Sam to shriek like a girl, syrup sliding down his face like an art piece.


	4. You Two are Cute

After waving Sam off in his stolen car (which Cas had been weirdly judgmental of and really Cas? Of all the things Sam and Dean had done, he was really going to be prissy about them stealing a car?), Dean and Cas got into the impala and Dean started the drive to Bobby's friend. At first the car had just been filled with Dean's music, Dean tapping away to it against the steering wheel, Cas staring right ahead at the non-existent view. It was these times that Dean wished he could read Cas' mind, see what Cas was thinking in moments of silence, especially now that the curse had taken hold of him. What actually happened in that damn feathery brain of his?

Dean cast another sly glance at Cas and saw that his eyelids were actually drooping, his head tilting downwards then his eyes opening wide, startled, correcting his position, then re-doing it all over again. Dean sighed, switching off the music.

"How about you try and have a nap in the car while I drive us there. We've got a few hours left yet."

"I'm fine Dean," Castiel said, opening his eyes wide as if to prove that he wasn't completely exhausted.

"You're a stubborn ass you know that?"

"Well, I learnt from the best," Castiel replied curtly, his lips quirking up slightly. And yeah, Dean couldn't really deny that, he  _was_ as stubborn as anyone could be, sometimes purposely going against what someone told him to do just for the sake of it.

"You know, besides the whole refusing to admit that you need sleep, you're actually dealing with this whole curse thing pretty well," Dean thought aloud and it was true, if he were in Cas' position he probably would have drank himself to oblivion and gone crazy but not Cas. No, Cas was just sitting in the impala as normal, and Dean wouldn't have even been able to tell there was anything wrong besides the fact that he was wearing Dean's clothes.

"It's because I can still feel my grace," Castiel spoke softly, "it reminds me that I am not falling, that this is just a curse that can be broken. If I were not able to feel my grace then I doubt I would be reacting this calmly."

"Huh" Dean huffed because yeah, Cas kinda had a point there, "But still, it must be weird for you."

"Yes it is," Castiel replied, "But you are making it easier for me."

"I am?" Dean asked doubtfully.

"Yes, you and Sam are remaining calm about this whole matter which assures that I feel calm also. And you teaching me human customs, however ridiculous or unnecessary, actually makes this slightly fun at times," Castiel smiled honestly.

Dean didn't really know how to reply to that so he just kept silent, watching the road ahead of him. This was what Cas always did, put him and his brother, but especially Dean, on some kind of pedestal, as if they had done the world's greatest thing. All Dean had done was borrow Cas clothes and give him pancakes. There was so much more he could have done to soothe Cas but no, apparently pancakes were enough for Cas and Dean didn't know whether that was amusing or downright heart-breaking.

Castiel didn't notice Dean's silence as anything strange and if he did, he didn't point it out. One of the great things about Cas was that he didn't push things, not like Sam who wanted Dean to blurt out his emotions all the time. No, Cas just let Dean stew in his thoughts, reaching over to turn Dean's music on again. Dean cocked an eyebrow at Cas because really? Cas actually wanted this music to be blaring out too loudly? Dean was not used to this treatment of his music.

"What? I like to listen," Castiel shrugged and Dean couldn't help but notice how  _human_ Cas looked in his clothes, shrugging which was something so very anti-angel, sitting shotgun in his car and not even looking uncomfortable about it.

"Well next time it's all three of us in the car, you've got to back me up when Sam tells me to turn it off," Dean declared, smirking at the fact that having Cas around was all the better because Cas always took his side and Sam was always down voted, something that Sam didn't really appreciate but hey, he should get his own angel and then he might get somewhere.

"Of course Dean," Castiel replied instantly, leaning back on his seat and for a moment Dean thought he was going to sleep like Dean had recommended but nope, he kept his eyes open, staring at the open road ahead of them.

"Stubborn dick," Dean muttered to himself and he swore he saw Castiel grin with a flash of his teeth, but in a blink it was gone and Dean didn't know whether he'd imagined it or not.

For the last few miles there was an air of comfortable silence, Dean even singing out to some of the songs which had made Cas smile, asking for him to sing more because he found it pleasing. Dean had complied even though it felt a little weird because Sam would either tell him to shut up or if he was in a good mood, sing along but with Cas, well, he was just singing  _to_ him to make him smile. And he supposed Cas deserved to smile so he carried on, exaggerating his voice even further which had made Cas actually cough out a laugh which had only spurred Dean on further.

When they reached Bobby's friend's house Dean begrudgingly turned off the blaring music and even Cas looked a little dejected.

"Come on Cas," Dean got out of the car waiting for Cas to join him on the path. Dean stared at the house and frowned. It was one of those suburban happy family houses which was so not hunter friendly. He had to assume that this woman was less of a hunter, more of a collector of the weird shit because no way could a hunter live here.

"What's her name again?" Dean asked, walking up the path, Cas walking beside him, their shoulders brushing.

"Caroline," Castiel replied, waiting for Dean to knock the door.

The door opened to a middle aged woman, short with friendly eyes, dark hair falling down to her waist.

"Can I help you?" she asked openly and yeah, this woman was definitely not a hunter because hunters weren't that friendly and trusty either.

"I'm Dean, this is Cas. We're, er, friends of Bobby?"

The woman's eyes lit up "Oh, come on in."

Dean and Castiel walked into the bright lounge, and Dean sat down unsurely, Cas following suit and sitting next to him (too close as usual).

"Would you like a drink?" Caroline asked all smiles.

"Nah, I'm good," Dean replied, anxious to get out of the too cheery house. Cheerfulness didn't suit Dean. And besides, Cas looked fucking exhausted and the sooner Dean got him back to the motel room and  _forced_ him to sleep the better.

"No thank you," Castiel added.

"Suit yourself," Caroline smiled, "Now, let me go get the things that Bobby ordered."

The woman disappeared for a while, leaving Cas and Dean to sit in silence, Castiel's arm sweeping Dean's leg every time he made the slightest move but to be honest, Dean didn't even bat an eyelid at the closeness anymore, he was used to Cas practically sitting on him. What he didn't get was why Castiel only seemed to have this weird invading personal space thing with only him because he'd watched Cas with Sam and he didn't do it with him at all. Maybe it was just that Cas was more comfortable with Dean after the whole resurrecting him from Hell. Either way, Dean supposed it was weird to onlookers but Dean was used to it by now.

The too cheery woman re-appeared with a wooden box "They're all in here, tell Bobby he owes me one."

Dean stood up, taking the box from Caroline "Yeah, how did you meet Bobby anyway?"

The woman smiled "It's a long story. Let's just say, I had a werewolf problem, Bobby helped me through it and it changed the rest of my life."

"Doesn't really look like it's changed you," Dean gestured to the bright room, and he didn't really mean to pry but he was intrigued.

"Ah Dean, looks can be deceiving you know. I may not be a hunter but I know my stuff. What do you need all that stuff for anyway?" Caroline deflected the question, pointing to the wooden box that Dean was holding.

"Long story," Dean replied and Caroline smiled back, raising her eyebrows but not saying anything.

"Look, we've got to go or Mr Sleepy here will probably just collapse on the floor," Dean smiled.

"Dean, I'm perfectly fine," Castiel grumbled.

"Yeah, sure you are," Dean patted Cas' shoulder, Caroline chuckling softly. Castiel just shook his head in disapproval, muttering a quick bye to Caroline before walking out, hands awkwardly in his jean pockets.

"You two are cute," Caroline smiled, her eyes twinkling.

"Uh, we're not, er-" Dean stuttered, certain that he was making himself look like an idiot for the second time today.

All Caroline did was chuckle again "Like I said, I know my stuff."

"Er, well, thanks for the-" Dean gestured to the box before turning on his heel and practically running from the house which only made Caroline laugh even more.

"You two take care of yourselves," she called out before shutting the door.

"Dean, are you okay, you seem a little red," Castiel observed as they got into the car.

"I'm fine, just, er," Dean stuttered, feeling himself go even redder, "I'm fine!"

"Okay Dean," Castiel replied but he didn't stop staring at Dean, his head tilted to the side.

"Quit staring at me like that," Dean muttered.

"Okay Dean," Castiel turned his head and looked out the passenger window instead, his shoulders drooping slightly. Great, now Dean felt like an ass. It wasn't Cas' fault that Caroline had thought they were a couple. Well, actually, it probably was seeing as Cas had practically been sitting on Dean but still, wasn't Cas' fault, not really. Anyway, why was Dean making it into a big deal anyway? People had thought him and Sam were a couple at times and he'd let that go so he could let this one go to.  _No big deal._

"Hey, you want to choose the music?" Dean asked, feeling the hotness on his face starting to cool. Castiel perked up, looking at Dean like the sun shined out of his ass again and Dean knew he was already forgiven.

"I'd like that," Castiel smiled and was back to staring at Dean intently again but Dean didn't mind, not really. In fact, Dean would think it was odd if he stopped staring one day.

The drive back to the motel was easy, Dean singing along to the songs again, Cas trying to join in which had been fucking hilarious because it turned out that angels could not sing for toffee and he was probably an even worse a singer than Dean was. But it didn't matter, all that mattered was that he was putting a smile on Cas' face.

By the time they got back, after making a quick stop for food, it was starting to go dark and to be honest, Dean just wanted to get Cas into the motel room and make him sleep. He got out of the car, Cas practically swaying as he got out, fatigue making him unsteady on his feet.

Cas followed Dean into the motel room, picking up the clothes he wore last night, not even bothering to feign energy anymore.

"I'm just going to call Bobby alright, I'll be right back."

Castiel just nodded, his whole body drooping with how utterly exhausted he was. Dean left the motel room, giving Cas some space to get changed and to freaking sleep, and called Bobby, thinking it wasn't best to call Sam because he might be sleeping and Dean knew from experience that he didn't want to wake up a tired Sam. Bobby told him that Sam was asleep and he'd be back tomorrow morning before asking how Cas was and it warmed Dean's heart to think about how Cas had become part of the group now, so much so that Bobby actually sounded concerned for him and asked about him when he didn't need to. He was just glad that Cas had fitted in so easily because hey, it could have gone a whole lot worse.

After finishing the call with Bobby he crept back into the motel room, silently taking off his trousers, not bothering to put jogging bottoms on because he realised that he was just as drained as Cas and he just wanted to get in bed and sleep. He dove into the covers, then turned his head to look at Cas, to make sure he was asleep. He wasn't and Dean groaned. Cas was lying as stiffly as last night, eyes staring at the ceiling and Dean swore he could see fear in his eyes.

Without a thought Dean was up out of bed, making his way to Cas "Cas, shift over."

Castiel stared up at him, eyes wide with alarm "Dean, what are you-"

"Just move over Cas," Dean commanded and Cas obeyed, shifting over, his eyes still wide with confusion. Dean sat on the pillow, letting his back rest against the headboard. Castiel kept his eyes on him, as if waiting for him to give some kind of explanation as to what the hell he was doing.

"You've got to sleep Cas," Dean whispered softly.

"I know that Dean but I just  _can't._ "

"Sure you can, you've just got to relax for one," Dean said, sure of himself because he was getting Cas to sleep even if it took all night. Castiel looked at him as if to say 'how?' and Dean sighed because Cas was freaking difficult sometimes.

"First of all, relax your body, you're lying like you're in a coffin," Dean commanded. Castiel shifted, letting the muscles in his body ease, turning his body slightly to Dean's.

"Okay, now close your eyes," Dean said.

"Dean," Castiel whispered his name and there was fear in his voice and Dean had no idea why, but he could guess.

"Hey, nothing's going to happen while you sleep okay? Nothing'll happen," Dean promised, ignoring the fact that he was sounding like he should be in a chick flick movie.

Begrudgingly, Cas closed his eyes, his forehead creased slightly.

"Okay, now slow your breath down," Dean murmured quietly. Castiel's forehead creased even further, trying to slow his breath but doing a bad job of it.

"Here," Dean grabbed Cas' hand, placing it on his heart, then placing Cas' other hand on Cas' heart, "Try and copy my breathing. In and out slowly, yeah?"

Dean slowed his breath, keeping a hold of Cas' hand, and he slowly began to hear Cas' breathing slow down and Dean fought the urge not to shout hallelujah because yeah, now wasn't exactly the appropriate time.

"Dean?" Castiel asked softly.

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean asked, absentmindedly using his right hand to stroke Cas' hair which Cas trembled to the touch of. Dean tried not to think about how very un-friend like this was because it didn't count with Cas, not when he was a human and fucking terrified to go to sleep.

"What if we cannot reverse it?" a tiny voice asked and Castiel sounded so worried that Dean just wanted to hug him and never let go.

"Hey, don't even think like that alright. We're going to reverse it Cas and you'll be back to normal, don't you even worry about it," Dean said determined, even though there was a niggling, annoying part of his brain asking the very same questions. But Cas didn't need to know his doubts, he needed to think that Dean was completely sure that they would get him back to his angel self. And if they didn't? Well, Dean would help Cas transition into a fully-fledged human and make it seem like the best thing in the world.

"Okay Dean," Castiel said tiredly, sighing. Dean continued to stroke his hair, waiting for Cas to fall asleep. After a few minutes Cas hadn't said anything, his body rising slowly and Dean assumed that he finally had. Now there was the small matter of Dean getting out of bed without waking the angel up because he couldn't exactly sit up like this all night because Dean needed his sleep too. He stopped stroking his hair, twisting his body to the left so it would be easier for him to slide out of the bed. He started to let go of Cas' hand, the one that was still placed on Dean's chest, but Cas' hand was suddenly gripping his wrist which caused Dean to let out a surprised noise from his lips.

"Dean," Castiel whispered, tightening his grip on Dean's wrist.

"It's alright Cas, I'm not going anywhere," Dean placed his other hand over Cas', lightly removing it's grasp on his wrist. He shuffled his body downwards so that his head was on the pillow with Cas', their shoulders brushing. Dean felt like he should be having some kind of freak out because  _he was sharing a bed with Cas,_ but he wasn't, in fact rather the opposite. He let his head sink further into the pillows, a relaxed sigh coming from Cas' mouth. Cas reached over and gripped his hand around Dean's wrist again as if it grounded him, reminded him that Dean was there and that nothing was going to happen to them. And Dean felt it too, felt the peacefulness ease over him as he drifted off to sleep.


	5. Dean's a Dick

Dean woke up with an arm wrapped around his waist and for a second Dean tried to remember who the hell he'd hooked up with last night but then the person lying next to him muttered something jumbled and wait, that was Cas' voice. He was sharing a bed with Cas...  _Oh_. Dean opened his eyes to see that Castiel had completely shifted his body to face him, his face right next to Dean's, eyes closed, his breath hitting Dean's neck, causing Dean to shiver.

Okay, so this morning wasn't exactly how most days started but Dean shouldn't freak out, nope. He had just gotten into Cas' bed to help him sleep,  _that's all_. And Cas only had his arm wrapped around him like a death grip because he was sleeping and didn't know any better. If Sam was in Dean's position, Dean was sure that Cas would be wrapped against him too. Course he would.

Dean rubbed his face, trying to shut all the muddled thoughts in his head. He so did not need this, especially when they were facing a witch today which could completely alter whether Cas stayed human or not. He looked at Cas who was still sleeping and Dean couldn't help but smile at how innocent he looked. And it wasn't just that, it was the first time that the angel looked fully at peace, no worries lining his face and Dean almost didn't want to look away, would have gladly lay there and watched him sleep until he woke. Dean reminded himself that he needed to shower and get into his fighting frame of mind ready to take on the witch and why the hell was he thinking that about Cas anyway?

Dean slowly tried to remove Castiel's arm off him which proved to be more difficult than he thought because he was attached to him like a fucking koala.

"Dean?" Castiel asked sleepily and Dean turned to him surprised and God, Cas' face was close to his and Jesus, his eyes were fucking blue.

"Er, morning Cas," Dean shifted uncomfortably because Cas' arm was still attached to him and didn't seem like it was going to be removed any time soon. And no, he completely didn't want Cas to keep it there at all, nope, not at all.

"I slept," Castiel said, wonder in his eyes.

"Yep, you sure did Cas," Dean couldn't help but smile and Castiel smiled back, eyes wide.

"Thank you Dean."

"Er, you're welcome," Dean stumbled, "So I, er, should get in the shower. Today's a big day."

Castiel frowned "Yes."

Dean looked down at Cas' arm, waiting for it to be taken off him and Cas looked down uttering an 'Oh' before letting Dean go, his cheeks reddening slightly. And Dean had never saw Cas blush before and it was frigging weird but also insanely cute and Dean kinda wanted to just smush his cheeks and Jesus, Dean was definitely losing it.

He shook his head, grabbing his clothes "I'll try and be quick and then you can go in."

"Okay Dean," Castiel sat up, ruffled hair and all and Dean couldn't help but chuckle again because how many times in his life was he really going to get the chance to see Cas like this?

He had a shower as quickly as possible, throwing on his usual attire, letting Cas have the bathroom. Dean checked the time and frowned, surely Sam should be back by now? Dean tried to calm himself, he needed to stop being so damn over protective, Sam could look after himself, was probably stuck in traffic or something. Still, he wished he'd get here soon so they could get on with this locator spell. He just wanted Cas back to normal, although he would be lying when he said he hadn't enjoyed Cas being 'human', which was fucked up entirely because Cas wasn't happy like this and Dean shouldn't be enjoying it, he shouldn't be enjoying that he was getting to teach Cas stuff like good food or that he got to see him sleep.

"Dean," Castiel murmured as he entered the room, a towel in his hand, wearing the same trousers as yesterday but today wearing Dean's AC/DC top.

"Looking good Cas," Dean smiled and he wasn't exactly lying. Cas  _did_ look good and he was showing that damn collarbone again. Seriously, it should be against the law for him to do that.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes Dean," Castiel said gratefully and today he didn't seem so awkward in wearing something other than his trench coat.

"You're welcome," Dean smiled, watching water droplets fall from Cas' hair, "Cas, you're pretty crappy at drying your hair."

"What?" Castiel asked, head tilting.

"Here," Dean said, taking the towel from Cas' hands. He brushed it softly over Cas' hair, trying to take as much moisture out of it as possible because let's be honest, the last thing they needed was Cas catching pneumonia or some shit like that. He threw the towel across the room, messing up Cas' damp hair with his hand, smiling affectionately.

"That's better," Dean said. Castiel looked up towards him, his eyes trained on Dean's, and Dean couldn't look away. He realised that he was standing close to Cas, way too close, even for them, but with those eyes on his, he didn't want to take even a step away from him. He trailed his hand from Cas' hair, downwards to Cas' jaw, leaving it there waiting for Cas to do something to stop him.

"Dean," Castiel whispered, his voice pleading but Dean could see it. This was Cas' way of saying yes, agreeing to what Dean wanted to do next, and fuck, he wanted to do it. Wanted to taste Cas, to explore every inch of his body, to hold onto him and never let go. Dean placed his other hand on Cas' cheek, slowly but surely, still waiting for Cas to jump back, or for Dean himself to stop, to realise what he was doing and to break the trance. But nothing was stopping them, Cas was  _there,_ right in front of him, wanting the same thing as him and fuck, he was going to take it.

Knocking at the door broke Dean's daze, causing him to jump away from Cas like he was a kid who'd been caught sneaking extra sweets.

"Dean?" Sam's voice bellowed through the door.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Dean looked over at Cas for a second, trying to figure out what Cas was thinking but his face was unreadable, staring at Dean, his forehead creased.

Dean shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and opened the door to his little brother, not sure whether he was annoyed that he'd interrupted or relieved.

"Morning," Sam strode in, smiling at Cas, before looking at Dean, "You borrowed him your AC/DC shirt?"

Dean shrugged absentmindedly.

"Wow Cas, Dean loves you a whole lot more than I even thought," Sam teased which caused Cas to frown even further, flitting his eyes over to Dean, but not saying anything.

"Yeah, yeah, you're hilarious Sammy. Let's get this show on the road, you got everything we need?" Dean asked, sorting through the bag on his bed.

"Yeah, you?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Dean answered, gesturing to the box on the desk.

"So we good to go then Cas?" Sam asked, his eyebrows lowering when Cas didn't answer, "Cas?"

Castiel broke his staring at Dean, "Yes, we're 'good to go'."

"Let's go then," Sam looked from Cas and his brother, frowning slightly and Dean didn't even want to know what Sam was thinking, or what he thought had happened between the two of them.

"Okay," Dean replied, before passing Cas his hoody, "Here, wear this or you'll catch a cold."

Before Cas could reply, Dean was out of the door, getting into his car, waiting for Sam and Cas to catch up. Sam arrived first, riding shotgun as always, Cas got into the back seat, the hoody zipped up to his neck.

"Let's go catch a witch," Dean smirked, before driving out of the car park as fast as he can, not sure whether he's driving so fast to get the witch, or to try and run away.

"So, how was Caroline?" Sam asked, awkwardly making conversation after Cas and Dean stayed silent for several minutes.

"Nice," was all Dean could say because talking about Caroline just reminded him of what she'd said, that she thought him and Cas were 'cute', which just reminded him of what had very nearly happened in that motel room. Hell, he didn't even understand what had nearly happened, but he knew he was insanely close to freaking out about it.

"Okay," Sam replied, "Bobby's good by the way, was complaining all the time I was there that I was treating his house like a motel."

"Sounds like Bobby," Dean smiled.

"Yeah," Sam smiled back, then looked back at Cas, his face softening, "How are you Cas?"

Castiel didn't reply at first and Dean thought maybe he'd broken him. Angels were not supposed to be fucking caressed and nearly kissed (shit,  _he was going to kiss Cas_ ) and Dean had fucking broken him. Fuck.

"I'm" Castiel gulped, looking at Dean, "okay."

"Good," Sam smiled, but he looked warily at Dean, and Dean knew that Sam could tell something was wrong, that Cas wasn't alright at all and neither was Dean. Dean just hoped he thought it was because of this whole curse thing and not the fact that Dean had nearly fucking kissed Cas ten minutes ago.

"We're here," Dean stopped the car and got out, not even bothering to wait for the other two, casually opening the back door that they'd picked the other night. He walked in cautiously, hand hovering over his gun tucked up in his pants, because for all he knew the witch had returned, thinking she was safe and Dean was not going to let another stupid curse happen. No fucking way.

He looked all over and found no-one, so he made it back to the entrance where Cas and Sam were starting the ritual.

"All clear?" Sam asked.

"Yep, doesn't look like she's returned either, all their belongings are still here," Dean replied, watching Castiel mix some weird looking shit together, "How long is this going to take?"

"Nearly finished," Sam said, "we've just got to add the goats blood, then Cas has got to say his verse and then she'll be here."

"You got all the weapons ready?" Dean asked, taking his gun from his jeans.

"Yeah," Sam took out his gun, a knife in his other hand, "Cas has got my other gun."

Dean opened his mouth in disbelief at the fact that his brother had given Cas a gun. Castiel and gun shouldn't be in the same sentence, it was freaking weird, but in the situation they were in at the moment it was downright scary. Sure, it made sense, Cas couldn't defend himself with angelic powers so he should have some kind of weapon but the fact that Cas had a gun didn't make Dean feel any better. Cas needing a gun just reminded Dean that Cas  _could get hurt,_ that he was easy to kill at the moment and that just brought chills to Dean and made him want to vomit.

"Yeah, but you stick behind us Cas," Dean said gruffly.

Castiel looked up in surprise, whether it be from what Dean had said or that Dean was actually acknowledging his existence "I can take care of myself Dean."

"Yeah, normally you can, but at the moment you can't. You're all human'd up, you're not used to it and it's not like you're used to using guns so stick behind us," Dean argued back.

"I can point and shoot Dean," Castiel said, irritated, "I'm not useless."

"I never said that you were," Dean glared back.

"Then what is it?" Castiel asked, eyebrows raised, and Dean fucking knew what game he was trying to play. He was trying to get Dean to blurt it all out, all the feelings he was trying to push aside and ignore. That he was fucking terrified that Cas could get hurt, or worse, die. And what was even more terrifying was how he  _needed_ Cas like he'd never needed anyone before. Sure, he needed Sam in his life, Bobby too, but that was a familial need but with Cas it was different. And he was stupid to try and pretend it wasn't. He didn't need Cas like he needed his brother, because that was the point, he needed Sam _because_ he was his brother, but with Cas? He just needed him full stop. Needed him to be there no matter what and Dean didn't know what do with that other than act like a scared little boy. Scared because Cas didn't need him like he did and that was the whole point of him liking Cas being human wasn't it? It had been the only time that Cas had really needed Dean. Any other time Cas could just literally fly out of his life and never come back and Dean wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Needing Cas like he did wasn't healthy and also something Dean had never experienced before and it fucking petrified him.

"Just do the damn spell Cas," Dean ordered before turning his back on him, getting ready for the witch to return to the spot that Sam had said she had disappeared. He caught Sam's eye, a look of 'what the fuck is going on with you' but Dean ignored it, instead tightening his grip on his gun.

Castiel began to chant the spell in a language that Dean had never heard before and Dean mentally prepared himself for a fight, ready to take out all his anger on someone who deserved it. Castiel uttered the last words of the spell and without even a warning the witch appeared in front of Dean. Within a second, Sam wrapped his arm around her neck from behind, placing the knife next to her throat.

"Make any move and I'll kill you," Sam hissed out.

The girl widened her eyes, looking at Dean, terror in her eyes.

"You understand me?" Sam asked.

"Y-yes," the girl uttered, not taking her eyes of Dean's gun.

"Right, let's get down to business shall we?" Dean smiled menacingly, "Your little witchy friend-"

"Mother, she was my mother," the girl corrected, tears filling her eyes.

Dean was silent for a while because shit, if they'd killed her  _mother_ why the hell would she help them at all?

"That's not the point," Dean growled, "What the point is, is that she cast a spell on our friend here and we want you to reverse it."

"I can't," the girl pleaded.

"Like hell you can't!" Dean shouted back, waving the gun further in her face.

"Dean," Sam warned.

Dean ignored Sam and shouted at the girl "Change him back or I swear I'll shoot you in the face."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to. My mother, she was stronger than me and so was my Aunt. I'm not strong enough to even cast a spell like that, let alone reverse it," the girl cried, "Please, you have to believe me."

"So what? We need to find a stronger witch?" Dean asked, his hand shaking and he was unsure whether it was due to anger or pure terror at the thought that they wouldn't be able to fix this.

"You don't need to," the girl gulped, trying to stop the tears from falling, "My mother was trying to cast the spell so it would be permanent, that he would be stuck like this forever but you- you killed her before she could finish it."

"So what does that mean?" Sam asked, keeping a wary glance at Dean.

"It means that the curse will only last seven days. After that he'll go back to normal."

"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Dean barked.

"Why would I lie? You have a gun and a knife at me," the girl whimpered.

"So, seven days and he'll be back to normal?" Sam asked.

"Yes," the girl replied, closing her eyes, heavy tears falling.

"Thank fuck for that," Dean muttered to himself, sighing in relief, his whole body relaxing. Sam looked at him oddly, knife still to the girls throat. It was like he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on in Dean's brain and truth be told, Dean didn't even know.

"Please let me go," the girl cried out.

"Are you serious? After you killed all those people?" Dean laughed.

"I didn't kill  _anyone._ My mother and Aunt did all that, not me. I haven't ever hurt anyone, I didn't want anything to do with that, so please," the girl begged.

"You expect us to believe that?" Dean snapped back, "If you didn't like the fact that your bat-shit crazy family were going on a killing spree, why didn't you just kill them or leave them?"

"Because, like I said, they were stronger than me and if I had tried to get away they would have just zapped me back and maybe even killed me," the girl spat back.

Dean shook his head, disbelieving every word that came out of her mouth because really? She expected him to believe this shit? After what  _her_ family had done to Cas? No fucking way.

"Dean, maybe she's telling the truth," Sam murmured.

"What?!"

"Think about it, when we came storming in here, the other two tried to fight back right? One even threw a curse as Cas but she," Sam gestured to the girl with the knife which made her flinch, "She didn't try and fight me. She put up a shield to protect herself but that was it. She didn't try and hurt me, not even when you killed her family, she just waited till I got distracted and then zapped herself out of here."

"He's telling the truth," the girl added, staring at Dean with wide eyes, "I haven't hurt anyone and I won't."

Dean faltered slightly, not sure what to do or say, but he still kept the gun on her.

"I believe that was she is saying is the truth," Castiel added from behind him.

Dean sighed, closing his eyes for a second, before lowering his gun, looking the girl in the eye "So we're going to let you go okay? But only because these two believe you. We're going to let you go but if we even find a shred of evidence that links you with any killings whatsoever we'll come after you."

The girl nodded, her face full of hope.

"And if you lied to us about Cas, if he isn't okay as soon as the seven days are up, I'll bring you back and kill you myself," Dean warned.

"Thank you," the girl whispered. Sam slowly let go of her and within a couple of seconds she had vanished. Dean just hoped that he hadn't just let loose a fucking murderer.

"So I will be able to reach my grace exactly seven days after the curse was made," Castiel mused aloud.

"Seems like it," Sam shrugged, smiling slightly.

"Good," Castiel said and Dean wasn't looking at him, but even he could hear the pure happiness in his voice and his heart lurched.

After they'd stopped off to get some food, Dean drove them back to the motel. The conversation at the diner had been awkward, so very different from yesterday morning. Sam kept trying to make conversation, to lighten the mood because 'yay, Cas was going to be okay' but would trail off when he got no response from Dean or even Cas. Throughout the meal, Sam eyed Dean and Cas curiously as they sat there silently, Castiel, every now and then, casting a glance at Dean. Dean noticed but he didn't do anything about it, he just carried on eating his burger trying to figure out all the thoughts swimming in his mind which turned out not to be the easiest thing in the world. His head was a mess. After a while, Sam gave up trying to make conversation and instead just huffed like an annoyed teenager whose parents were getting a divorce, flicking the remainder of his food until Dean and Cas had finished eating.

When they arrived at the motel, they all poured into Dean and Cas' room, Castiel quickly making his way to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Sam whirled around to look at Dean, eyebrows raised, "Alright, what's going on with you two?"

"What?" Dean snapped back because shit, it wasn't that obvious was it?

"Have you two had a fight or something?" Sam asked.

Dean relaxed slightly "Why would you think that?"

"Because you're acting  _weird,"_ Sam stated, "and you're acting all pissy towards each other."

"Shut up Sam."

"Listen to me man. Whatever you two have had a fight about, just forget it alright? Look, I know that it freaked you out seeing Cas all cursed and stuff but think about how he must be feeling. Sure, he's going to be okay by the end of the week but he still must be fucking terrified and he  _needs you right now,"_ Sam offered some advice.

"You think I haven't been there for him?" Dean shouted back and he didn't want to fight, especially not with Sam but what he'd said hit a nerve. And before he could even think about  _why_ it struck him so hard, Castiel walked out of the bathroom, flicking his eyes from Sam to Dean, trying to understand what was going on.

"I'm going out," Dean said.

"Dean," Sam sighed.

"Leave me alone Sammy," Dean slammed the door behind him, walking off in a random direction, too angry and muddled to drive. He knew what was going on with him, what he was feeling but that didn't mean he couldn't be panicked about it or to worry about how the hell it was going to change everything. Because it would. This would change everything and Dean didn't know whether he wanted that or not. But yet again, he was getting ahead of himself. Just because he wanted it didn't mean that a certain somebody wanted it too. Sure, he'd seemed all too willing in the morning, at least, Dean thought he had, but how he'd reacted the rest of the day? Was that Castiel regretting that something even could have happened? Or was it him reacting to how Dean had suddenly become a dick (because that's how Dean reacted when he had to deal with new things like this)? Either way, it still scared him and Dean didn't know what to do. He just needed some space, not to think about these things, rather to push them aside and just have a breather. Take a long walk and just pretend that he was a normal person, rather than a hunter who kills monsters for a living and who possibly, maybe, wants to fuck his friend who's an angel. Ugh, Dean's life was messed up.

By the time he returned back to the motel it was dark, which Dean had done on purpose because he knew Cas would be asleep and he wouldn't have to deal with anything, but instead just get to sleep and try and forget what was going on with his life. He silently opened the door, looking at Cas who was in bed, his back to him in what looked like defiance to Dean. Dean sighed, taking his shoes off, then his top and jeans. He paused before getting into bed, watching Cas who still hadn't made any signs of movement. Dean sighed again, before walking to Cas' bed, shifting himself under the quilt.

"Cas?" Dean whispered, looking at the back of Cas' head.

"I shouldn't have stormed off," Dean said, almost to himself, because he had no clue whether Cas was awake and ignoring him or fast asleep. And Dean needed to tell himself it anyway because it was true, running away from your problems doesn't help and it had never worked for Dean before, it had normally made the situation much much worse.

"I'm sorry," Dean said softly, realising how much of a complete dick he'd been for pretty much the whole day. If Cas were awake he wouldn't even blame him if he shoved him out of bed and told him to go fuck himself which in all honesty, would be kinda funny to hear coming out of Cas' mouth, but still, not the point. The point was that Dean was a dick.

Without warning, Castiel turned his body towards Dean, staring at Dean with sad eyes. Dean couldn't help but notice that Cas stayed on the other side of the bed, not touching Dean like he was scared what Dean would do if he did. What Cas didn't seem to realise was that Dean wanted Cas to be closer, to wrap his arm around Dean like last night.

"Cas?" Dean asked.

"It's okay Dean, I understand this is," Castiel paused as if to try and find the right word to explain why Dean was acting like an idiot, "difficult for you."

"I can't help being a dick sometimes," Dean said, before realising how pathetic that sounded.

He heard humour in Cas' voice "I forgive you Dean."

"I wouldn't if I were you," Dean muttered to himself.

"Dean?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah Cas?"

"Go to sleep."

"Yeah, okay," Dean said tiredly. Castiel shifted his body, so his chest was facing upwards, turning his head away from Dean's. Tonight, it was Dean's turn to break the barrier between them. Hesitatingly, Dean reached his hand over to grasp Cas' wrist, like Cas had done the night before. He clasped it, feeling Cas' fast pulse. Cas looked over at Dean in surprise but didn't say anything, turning his head back to face the ceiling and closing his eyes. Dean followed suit, still holding on to Cas like it was the only thing that was keeping him breathing.


	6. Cas is a Lightweight

Dean woke with Cas attached to him again, his arm tightly around Dean's waist. He was almost surprised to see that his own arms were wrapped around Cas' torso, holding him snugly to his chest, his chin resting against the top of Cas' head. Dean sighed contently, pulling Cas even closer. Why couldn't it be this simple? Just simply two people who woke up in each other's arms who would go to the movies or a nice dinner, a couple that weren't risking their life every five seconds, trying to understand the tether that held them together.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Dean almost fell out of bed in shock. Castiel muttered something unintelligible into his chest, his body twitching slightly.

"Go back to sleep Cas," Dean smiled affectionately, before carefully untangling himself from a frowning Cas. Before he opened the door to who he assumed was his brother, he ruffled his own bed sheets. He didn't exactly want to make it obvious to Sam that was something going on. Not yet anyway, not till Dean knew himself.

He opened the door to a pensive looking Sam and remembered that they'd kind of argued yesterday. Dean looked sheepishly at Sam because he'd kind of been a dick to him too.

"So you're back from your strop then," Sam said stiffly.

"Shh, Cas is still asleep," Dean said, choosing to ignore the bitchy comment because arguing again wasn't going to solve anything.

"No I am not," a grumpy voice came from the bed, "The knocking woke me up Samuel."

Sam raised his eyebrows at the use of his full name, chuckling slightly "Sorry Cas."

"Hmmf," was all he got in a reply and Dean couldn't help but grin at how seriously pissed Cas looked, half his face hidden into the pillow. Castiel glared at him which only made him laugh harder and Sam started to laugh too which got him a murderous glare.

"So what are we doing today?" Sam asked, clearly having forgotten yesterday's argument.

"Well I was thinking, last night we didn't really get to celebrate the whole Cas isn't going to be permanently human thing so how about we hit a bar tonight?" Dean offered, trying not to add the fact that they hadn't celebrated last night because he'd thrown a tantrum.

Sam smiled "Sounds good to me."

"Yes, that is good, now will you both please be quiet so I can sleep some more?"

After a rather uneventful day of Dean getting some of their boring chores out the way, like their laundry that had been so dirty that he wouldn't have been surprised if it had grown legs and walked off, it was time to hit a bar. Dean drove them happily, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to the music.

"You're in a good mood," Sam mused aloud.

"Why shouldn't I be? I'm in my car, we're going to a bar, Cas isn't going to be a human for much longer…" Dean trailed off, "All in all, todays a good day."

"Yeah, you're right," Sam smiled genuinely, turning his head to smile at Cas too.

When they reached the bar, Sam went to get the drinks, Dean and Cas finding a quiet spot where they could sit. Castiel automatically sat too close to Dean but Dean realised he didn't really care, in fact, he welcomed it. Before he could really think about what he was doing, he squeezed Cas' leg. Castiel eyed him curiously and Dean just shrugged back, putting both of his hands on the table, fiddling nervously. Castiel frowned uneasily, not taking his gaze from him which made him even more uncomfortable, his cheeks reddening.

"Here you go," Sam was back with three beers, sitting opposite them in the booth.

Dean grabbed his beer and knocked some of it back, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like a schoolgirl to his little brother. Turns out he needn't have bothered as Sam was suddenly staring at Cas in fascination. Dean was about to call him out on it but he turned to look at Cas, who was currently gulping down the beer like it was blood to his vampire needs.

"Dude, don't gulp it down so heavy," Dean grasped the beer from Cas' hands, bewildered eyes meeting his, "You haven't got your mojo remember?"

"What's the difference?" Castiel asked, snatching the beer back from Dean's hand but not drinking any of it.

"Because drinking it like that will make you sick Cas," Sam smiled, eyebrows raised.

"Oh," Castiel replied, taking a small sip from the bottle this time.

"Just take it easy yeah?" Dean said, shaking his head softly, before joking, "Don't want people to think we're taking advantage of you."

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked curiously. Sam snorted behind his drink, his shoulders shaking from hidden laughter.

"Never mind Cas, it would blow your innocent mind," Dean teased, bumping shoulders with Cas.

"I do not have an innocent mind Dean, I have seen things that you couldn't even imagine," Castiel retorted which caused Dean to blush again and made Sam laugh even harder.

"Like what?" Sam asked, feigning innocence.

"Like-" Castiel started.

"Yeah-yeah, we don't need to know thanks," Dean interrupted, feeling his ears burning.

"What's wrong Dean, worried that your little angel isn't an innocent as you think?" Sam taunted, playfulness lighting up his eyes.

"Shut up," Dean grouched before taking a gulp from his beer.

"I thought we weren't supposed to gulp it," Castiel murmured.

"Yeah,  _you're_ not supposed to gulp it, not me, I'm used to alcohol unlike you. We just don't want you getting drunk Cas," Dean scowled.

"Oh."

Turns out, Sam and Dean shouldn't have made any effort to keep Cas sober because well, they found out that Jimmy Novak had been an ultimate lightweight. After two beers, Cas was already slurring his words, forgetting at times that he was with  _humans_ that spoke _English,_ speaking in all different languages, not realising he was doing so until Sam or Dean would tell him. He would let out a surprised 'oh' but then he'd be back to talking nonsense which Sam and Dean found hilarious, much to Cas' chagrin.

After his third beer Cas was completely and utterly drunk so Dean cut him off, wondering whether getting Cas this drunk had been a good idea or not. Castiel seemed to be enjoying himself at least, talking to his beer in some foreign language that Dean thought was Enochian. Dean couldn't help but laugh and Sam joined in.

"Didn't think Cas would be so much of a lightweight," Sam said to Dean.

"Jimmy mustn't have been able to hold his drink," Dean mused.

"Oh... Yeah," Sam frowned.

"What?"

"It's just, I sometime forget that's not Cas' body," Sam said, fiddling with his beer.

"Well, it is now, Jimmy's gone, it's just Cas in there," Dean leaned over to the table so Cas couldn't overhear them because he didn't want to remind Cas, especially  _drunk_ Cas.

"Oh," was all Sam said, taking a sip from his beer.

"Perhaps we should sing," Castiel looked up, eyes wide with pleasure.

"Perhaps we should not," Dean retorted back.

"But you sing beautifully," Castiel slurred, invading Dean's personal space. Dean leant back nervously, looking at Sam for help who just sniggered. Castiel started to sing ' _Ramble On'_ and it was so ridiculously out of tune that Dean winced.

"When did you learn the lines to that?" Sam asked, casting a glance at Dean.

"Dean taught me," Castiel grinned, still leaning into Dean.

"I'm sure he did," Sam smirked knowingly and Dean just glared at him. Castiel carried on singing, his voice getting increasingly louder, causing some people around them to stare.

"Okay, maybe we should get Cas back to the motel before he starts getting on the table and stripping."

"Like you wouldn't enjoy it," Sam grinned, seeing Dean's face and then adding quickly, "Yeah, sounds like a good idea."

"Come on Cas," Dean pulled Cas to his feet.

"But we were having fun," Castiel complained.

"Too much fun I think," Dean joked, putting an arm around Cas' waist, Sam taking the other side.

"I can walk by myself," Castiel moaned.

"Sure you can," Dean humoured him but still held on tight, Sam guiding them to the door, a few bemused glances coming their way.

"Right, into the car," Dean said, as Sam opened the car door, Dean lowering Cas into it. Castiel fell into the seat with a thump, dragging Dean with him.

"Cas, let me go."

"No."

"Cas," Dean warned.

"No."

"Looks like I'm driving," Sam sighed, taking the keys from Dean's hand. Dean tried to argue but Cas was suddenly poking his nose, laughing childishly. This was going to be an impossibly long drive back, Dean realised. He tried to manoeuvre into better position, making Cas sit upright, so he could sit upright too, Cas still gripping onto his shirt, occasionally tapping his nose, then his ear.

When they finally arrived at the motel, Dean (after untangling himself from Cas) and Sam got out of the car and Castiel tried to copy but he seemed to be have difficulty with opening the car door to his left, staring at it like it was the most confusing contraption that he'd ever encountered. Why he didn't try and get out the same side that Dean had, the side where the car door was already open and Dean was waiting for him, Dean didn't know. Dean and Sam watched him for a moment, amusement in their eyes because it wasn't exactly the norm to see an a _ngel of the lord_ completely and utterly wasted.

"Do you want me to help you get him inside?" Sam asked as Castiel finally managed to open the door, much to his delight.

"Nah, we'll be okay, go to bed Sammy," Dean patted his brother on the shoulder and Sam grinned before he went to his own motel room, humming softly to himself.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, somehow managing to get to his feet, holding on to the car door for his life, "Dean, I think I may be inebriated."

Castiel swayed suddenly and automatically Dean was at his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and walking him to their motel "You're going straight to bed Mister."

"I'm not a child," Castiel protested, but let Dean guide him to his bed, lying down as Dean pulled his feet out of his shoes. And then, even though it was as awkward as anything, he lightly pulled at Cas' jeans which caused a muffled cry of surprise from Cas.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to freaking touch you up or anything, you just can't go to sleep in jeans, they're not comfortable," Dean muttered, throwing the jeans to the other side of the room, pulling up the duvet to Cas' neck.

"What if I wanted you too?" Castiel slurred his words, blushing slightly. Dean froze to the spot, not taking his eyes from Castiel's nerving gaze.

"Wh-What did you just say?" Dean stammered.

"Why are you so afraid Dean?" Castiel spoke loudly, his drunkenness obviously making it so he was unable to use an indoor voice.

Dean gulped, feeling himself sober up from the few beers that he'd had, because this was probably the worst time to have this conversation. Cas was drunk as a skunk and probably didn't even know what he was saying and would more than likely not even remember the conversation in the morning. If they were going to have this conversation, and Dean knew they would have to eventually, now was so not the right time.

"Dean, I knew you were an emotionally repressed being," Castiel said tiredly and only Cas would use the phrase 'emotionally repressed' while he was drunk, "But I thought that it would be different this time."

"Different?" Dean's voice cracked.

"I thought it would be different because- because it was me but obviously that is not of import," Castiel muttered, casting his eyes downwards, his face falling.

"Cas," Dean started, realising that they were going to have the conversation  _right now_ and Dean didn't have a clue as to what to say or how to even explain what was going on in his brain but he needed to at least try, to make Cas see that the feelings he was having for Cas were most definitely of freaking import.

"I think I'm about to vomit," Castiel slurred, surprise in his voice.

"Shit," was all Dean could muster before practically carrying Cas to the bathroom just in time for him to start chucking up his guts. Castiel groaned dramatically as he continued to throw up everything that he'd eaten in the past two days. All Dean could do was softly rub the small of his back, resting his forehead against Cas' arm, muttering useless things such as 'it's going to be okay.'

"Well, that was unpleasant," Castiel mumbled after he'd finished.

"Yeah, let's get you to bed Cas," Dean said softly, slowly bringing an unsteady Cas to his feet, holding on to him tightly. Firstly, he forced Cas to wash his mouth out because Dean knew from experience how shitty it was to wake up with the worst hangover in the world and already taste sick in your mouth. He slowly guided Cas to bed, lowering him in slowly under the duvet.

"Dean?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, hold on," Dean said before throwing his t-shirt and jeans off, tucking himself into bed beside Cas. Dean gently put his arms around Cas which Cas cuddled into, resting his head against Dean's chest. Instantly, Castiel was out like a light, snoring softly against Dean which only caused Dean to hold him closer, wishing that he could make Cas realise how much he wanted and needed him.

_How much he loved him._


	7. Let's Watch TV and Pretend to be Normal

Dean woke up in terror as he realised he was grasping onto thin air and not Cas. He sat up in a daze, looking for Cas in the empty motel room and for a short moment of his confused half-wakefulness he thought that Cas had maybe been kidnapped in the middle of night. Then he heard the retching coming from the bathroom. Oh. Dean groaned but he got up anyway, rushing to the bathroom to see Cas chucking up yet again and Dean couldn't help but wonder where all this fucking food was coming from, he hadn't eaten that much in the past few days had he?

Dean kneeled down next to a shuddering Cas, and rubbed his shoulders softly. After a few minutes Cas stopped, resting his head against the toilet, his body still shaking softly and Dean could feel the sweat soaking through Cas' shirt.

"Dude, you really can't do alcohol well," Dean muttered.

"I thought alcohol would be enjoyable," Castiel complained, "This is not."

"Yeah, well you were pretty pissed last night," Dean smiled.

"I cannot remember much," Cas admitted.

"No?" Dean asked.

"I remember there was singing and drinking but that's it," Castiel frowned.

"Oh," Dean uttered.

"Why, did something happen that I need to know?" Castiel turned himself around to meet Dean, an unreadable expression plastered on his face and Dean really needed a 'Read your angel's expression' handbook.

"No," Dean replied far too quickly because nothing had happened had it? Not really.

"Okay," Castiel sighed, "I think I have come to the conclusion that I should not consume alcohol while I cannot reach my grace."

"I think that's a good idea," Dean smiled, "You think you've finished throwing up now?"

"Yes," Castiel said certainly, "At least, I hope so."

"Right, then you need to go back to bed," Dean ordered and Castiel only nodded in return. Dean picked Cas up by his waist and in all honesty, he was sure that Cas could have gotten up by himself and Cas probably knew that too but he still let Dean do it, falling slightly into Dean when they were standing. Dean looked down into Cas' eyes, breathing faintly heavier than normal. Castiel's eyes flickered from Dean's eyes to his lips and fuck, Dean was very close to throwing him against the wall and fucking him right there.

"I need to brush my teeth first," Castiel said and for a moment Dean wondered whether he'd just said his thoughts out loud. Cas gently left Dean's arms (which Dean had kinda forgotten had been still holding on to Cas, oops) to brush his teeth, staring at Dean through the mirror warily.

Uncomfortable with the staring, Dean left him to it, finding his way back to bed, throwing the covers over him before realising that he'd just had a five minute conversation with Cas in only his boxers. Well, Cas hadn't seemed to have cared so why should he?

Castiel walked in, his face still red from vomiting. Dean couldn't help but stare at him, because even with his face slicked in hangover sweat, Cas still looked fucking attractive, maybe even more so. And he couldn't help but stare at Cas' bare toned legs which caused him to gulp down his frustration's. Dean realised that he had been staring at Cas' body for way too long, so he looked up to Cas' face, trying to hide his embarrassment. Castiel seemed frozen on the spot, staring at Dean nervously.

"Cas, you getting in or what?" Dean asked, shuffling uncomfortably. Was Dean crossing some sort of line here? Were they only meant to share a bed when Cas needed him to help him sleep and other times was he supposed to stay the fuck away?

Castiel instantly unfroze, practically beaming and walked towards the bed, tucking himself under the covers beside Dean.

A loud knock interrupted them and Dean couldn't help but think that Sam had the worst fucking timing in the world.

Dean stood up, quickly throwing some sweats on because he didn't really think it was exactly appropriate to open the door practically naked.

He opened the door to smiling Sam "How's Cas?"

"Having the hangover from hell," Dean grinned, "Already threw up twice and he looks like a mess."

"I can hear you," Castiel added stonily, his arms folded like a scolded teenager.

"What are we doing today anyway?" Sam asked, ignoring Cas.

"Well, like I said, Cas feels like crap so we're going to stay in, watch tv, y'know pretend to be normal," Dean smiled, "Want to join? We know how much you love to pretend you're normal and not a freak."

Sam rolled his eyes, before pushing his way past Dean into the motel room, looking at Cas with some sympathy, before casting a glance at Dean's bed, shit- Dean's completely made up bed which obviously hadn't been slept in whatsoever. Sam raised his eyebrows, casting a look at Dean, then Cas, a knowing smirk suddenly hitting his lips like he'd worked out the secrets of the universe. Dean froze, waiting for Sam to say something but he didn't, instead, he threw himself on Dean's bed, grinning away. Dean stood there awkwardly for a second before grabbing the remote and lying back on the same bed as Cas, but this time noticeably over the covers. He cast a glance at Sam who was just staring at him with the biggest fucking grin on his face.

"Shut up Sammy."

"I didn't say anything," Sam said innocently, eyes wide, the grin still plastered on his face.

"He didn't say anything Dean," Castiel added.

"You're supposed to take my side Cas," Dean grumbled, before handing the remote to Cas "Seeing as you're the one who feels like shit, you can choose what we watch."

"Really?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, but no freaking God or Jesus channels."

Cas flicked the channels before settling on some random shitty reality show, frowning slightly but watching intently.

"Seriously?" Dean asked disbelievingly.

"You said I got to choose Dean and this is... interesting," Cas muttered without taking his eyes off the screen.

"Sam?"

"Hey, you said he could choose," Sam shrugged and the grin was back.

"Hmmph."

"Humans are very interesting creatures," Castiel said, head tilting to the side as the fame whore on the screen started having a screaming fit.

"Gee, thanks Cas," Dean said sarcastically.

"Why is she crying like that because she couldn't buy the certain handbag?" Castiel asked.

"Because she's a fucking idiot."

"Oh, okay."

For the first half hour of watching the 'reality' tv channel, Dean had wanted to claw his eyeballs out but soon started to secretly enjoy it as he was forced into explaining to Cas the completely brainless things that were happening before his eyes. Castiel had hung on his every word, eyes wide when he explained that some people would do anything to get on the tv. After another hour Cas had passed the remote to Dean, telling him he could choose a show now, and Dean 'accidentally' got the channel that was airing the delightful 'Dr Sexy', which caused Sam to complain for a good five minutes but was silenced by Cas telling him to be quiet. Dean quickly told Cas the plot, pointing out his favourite characters (obviously Dr Sexy.)

The three watched in companionable silence, at one point Sam going out to get them food, which Cas refused to eat because he didn't want to throw up again. Dean and Sam tried to eat as quickly as possible so the smell of the food didn't linger because even Dean wasn't so much of a dick that he wanted Cas to spew up his guts.

After watching the fourth episode of Dr Sexy, Cas seemed to be faltering, his eyelids fluttering and soon, his head rested on Dean's shoulder, out like a light. Dean looked down at him startled for a second, then as lightly as he could he pulled Cas down so he was lying on his lap instead. Cas didn't wake, his hand gripping onto the material of Dean's jogging bottoms.

Dean couldn't help but smile "It's kinda weird seeing him sleep isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is, it's weird seeing him do any human things."

"Yeah," Dean smiled down at Cas, "I'm just glad that he's dealing with this okay and not like how he was in 2014. You should have saw him there man, it was one of the freakiest things I've saw in my life and I hunt monsters for a living."

"What's going on between you two anyway?" Sam blurted out for the second time this week but Dean knew that this time Sam wasn't asking whether they'd argued, more the exact opposite.

"I don't know," Dean said truthfully.

"You don't know?" Sam asked and Dean could tell that Sam was trying to be as sensitive as possible because of all people, Sam knew that Dean could blow a fuse if he was forced to talk about his feelings if he didn't want to. But Dean found that he actually  _wanted_ to, he needed to get it all out and in all honesty, he wanted his little brother's advice and more importantly, acceptance.

"It's.." Dean paused, trying to find the right words before meekly adding "Complicated."

"What, because he's a guy?" Sam asked softly.

"No, I mean, I thought that was the reason at first, but I was just using that as an excuse," Dean looked down at Cas who was twitching slightly in his sleep. Dean stroked his hair softly which caused Cas to relax further into Dean, the twitching stopping.

"Wait, are you saying, there's been guys before?" Sam asked dubiously.

"Well, nothings ever happened, not really" Dean squirmed uncomfortably, "But there's been guys where I've thought, I don't know, a possibility of something happening."

"Oh," Sam breathed out and Dean had to hand it Sam for taking this so easily. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd have reacted as well if they were in the opposite situations. He suddenly had the urge to jump over and give his brother a ridiculously big hug.

"So, if it's not that he's a guy, what is it?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, a lot of things."

"Like?" Sam pressed.

"Well, for starters, I'm a human and he's an angel. There must be some kind of law against that or something. I mean, me wanting an angel like that, trying to corrupt him? Must be giving me a ticket straight to Hell," Dean tried to joke, but the humour in his voice wasn't there.

"Dean, if there was even a possibility of that, Cas wouldn't even hang around us and he most certainly wouldn't be cuddling up to you right now," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah," Dean breathed out, "But still, I'm a hunter of monsters and he's a frigging  _angel."_

"And?" Sam said, "Look Dean, all the reasons that you're giving me are completely and utterly stupid."

"Gee, don't hold back," Dean retorted.

"Well, it's true. So, what's the real reason?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

"It's," Dean sighed, looked down at a snoring Cas, "Needing someone like this? It's never good. I mean, think about all the shit that's happened because of me and you needing each other, me going to Hell for one. I don't know, needing Cas like that, it's just another weakness, something else they can use against me. Needing him just makes us a whole lot more vulnerable. And it's not just that, me thinking about him like this, I've never felt that way about anyone before, not even Cassie, and it just, it fucking terrifies me man."

"That's what love is Dean, sure it makes you vulnerable and a lot of the time it fucking hurts but the fact of the matter is, you wouldn't change it for anything," Sam said, a ghost of a smile hitting his face and Dean knew he was thinking about Jess. Even after all these years Dean knew that Sam still loved Jess with everything and Dean was pretty sure he'd do anything to get her back, and Dean realised that he would do the same with Cas in a heartbeat.

He looked down at Castiel's sleeping frame and sighed "Of course, this conversation is kinda pointless when I don't even know whether Cas wants the same thing as I do."

"You're joking right?"

"What?"

"Sometimes you can be a real fucking idiot you know that?" Sam shook his head with a baffled smile, "Of course Cas wants to be with you."

"You don't know that," Dean interjected. Sure, Cas had been touchy feely with him the past couple of days but Dean had told himself that was just because Cas was feeling a little needy seeing as he was human. And that time when they'd almost kissed? Well, Cas had seemed pretty up for it at the time but what if Dean had confused the situation? Cas had pretty much not spoken to him for the rest of that day, so what if he didn't want it at all? And Dean could easily erase the situation of Cas' drunken confession because well, he'd been drunk, and earlier on in his drunken endeavour he'd told him that he had invented cheese. All these little things that could be seen as Cas wanting him could very easily just be turned into Cas not wanting him at all. Dean was used to rejection because really, why the fuck would an angel want to be with  _him?_

"Well, for one, he frigging got you out of Hell," Sam snorted.

"Yeah, following orders," Deana argued back.

"Yeah, and then after knowing you for what, five minutes, he  _rebelled_ against orders, against Heaven! Cas, after god knows how long he's existed, rebelled against the whole of heaven for  _you."_

"He was doing it to save the world," Dean replied meekly.

"No, he was doing it for you Dean and he pretty much told us that remember. He said he did all of it  _for you_. And if that's not enough to prove how much he fucking loves you then think about all the other things, how he never stops staring at you, like he's trying to count your freckles or something, how he's never one foot away from you, how he  _always_ takes your side in an argument even when you're obviously wrong, oh, and how at the current moment he's cuddling up to you like you're a teddy bear," Sam retorted, "Honestly Dean, you can be really  _really_  thick when you want to be."

Dean sat there open mouthed, not knowing what to say. Cas  _loved_ him. He fucking loved him all this time and he hadn't done anything about it and Dean could tell why. He hadn't thought Dean had wanted it, he'd been waiting for Dean to make a move and hell, Dean had been waiting for  _Cas_ to make a move. Sam was right. He was a fucking idiot. But so was Cas for keeping his mouth frigging shut this whole time.

"Look, I'm going to leave you to it, you've obviously got some shit to think about," Sam smiled fondly before getting off the bed.

"Hey Sammy?" Dean called out at the last minute.

"What?"

"Uh- thanks, y'know," Dean shrugged.

"Don't mention it, what are little brothers for?" Sam grinned.

"Yeah, but still, thanks for not, y'know, freaking out that your brother has a thing for an angel who's also a dude," Dean blushed.

"Yeah well, I'm cool like that. And to be honest, it wasn't much of a surprise, what with you two eye fucking each other since the day you met," Sam smirked.

"Fuck you," Dean grumbled before adding with a grin, "Bitch."

"Jerk," Sam added back instantly before shutting the door behind him, leaving Dean with his thoughts. He entwined his hand into Cas', still using his other hand to stroke his hair softly. God, they had both been idiots. But not for much longer. Dean didn't know how he was going to do it or when, but he knew by the end of this week he was going to have kissed his fucking angel and showed him he loved him, even if it killed him.


	8. You Got a Death Wish?

The morning started how it had the last couple of days, Cas wrapped around Dean, snoring softly into his neck. Dean had stayed there for a while, just watching Cas sleep, trying to ignore the fact that this was what couples did, and certainly not Dean. Oh well, it's not like his relationship with Cas was exactly the norm, the dude did pull him out of hell, not exactly the most normal way of meeting someone.

After a while, Dean untangled himself from Cas' sleeping frame to shower. He tried to think about the best possible way to tell Cas he loved him, without y'know, actually saying those three words because those three words were way too fucking difficult to say out loud. What had Cas had said? Emotionally Repressed? Yeah, that was totally Dean.

But still, he needed to get his feelings out in the open.  _Today_. And after his conversation with Sam yesterday, he was pretty certain that his feelings were reciprocated, completely and utterly so. And if they weren't? Well, Dean would cross that shitty bridge if he had to.

After his ridiculously long shower he still hadn't come up with anything and Dean wanted to punch himself. Maybe he should have asked Sam for ideas? But the thought of that made Dean wince, talking about possibly maybe being in love with an angel with his brother was one thing, but getting tips on how to tell said angel his feelings was way too awkward. Well, Dean would just have to keep on thinking. He tried to push down the ridiculous amounts of nerves he was feeling because he was Dean Winchester, he didn't get nervous for anything or for anyone. Well, anyone apart from Cas apparently.

Dean stared at himself in the mirror for a good five minutes, trying to sort out his shit when a knocking came from the bathroom door.

"Dean?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah?" Dean replied.

"How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom? I would like to-" Castiel stopped short when Dean opened the door.

"All yours," Dean ruffled Cas' hair before manoeuvring around him, perching himself on the bed, scrolling through channels to look for something decent to watch and mentally kicked himself as he paused on a reality show. It was all Cas' fault.

Castiel returned a little while later, Dean nearly not noticing his reappearance as he was too involved with the show he was watching.

"What are you doing Dean?"

"Sh Cas, they're going to have a massive bitch fight in a second," Dean gestured for Cas to join him, Cas sitting on the edge of the bed, a bemused expression on his face.

"I thought you didn't like these shows?"

"Yeah, well, you've got me all involved in them.. I hope you're fucking pleased with yourself," Dean said, not taking his eyes of the tv. Castiel didn't say anything, just smiled, watching the show with Dean in silence, his smile grinning wider as Dean started shouting things like 'Yeah, you tell the bitch' at the screen.

"You got very involved," Castiel noted once the show had ended.

"Your fault Cas, I'd never watched any of that shit until you forced me and now I can't stop."

"Can we watch another?" Castiel ignored Dean's accusation, instead taking the control from Dean, looking for some more reality shit they could watch.

"Yes," Dean said far too eagerly, scuttling back on the bed, so his back was to the headboard. Cas stayed where he was, his face glued to the screen and Dean couldn't help but think about how freaking adorable he was.

It took two episodes before Dean's stomach started to rumble "Cas, you want to go get some food?"

Cas took his eyes off the screen begrudgingly before replying "Yes."

"Come on then, we can go to the diner, get some pancakes," Dean winked.

"That sounds good to me," Castiel smiled before frowning "I thought Sam would be awake by now."

Dean had thought about this an hour ago because yeah, Sam was always the one who got up at dawn and woke him. Dean could only think that Sam was giving them space so Dean could profess his undying love or some shit and Dean had to hand it to Sam for not only being so cool about it but also being so considerate.

"Yeah, he's probably been awake for hours and is at the library filling his nerdy needs," Dean smiled, "Probably didn't want to wake us."

"Yes, you're probably right," Castiel smiled.

"I'm always right," Dean smirked.

"Hmm."

"Come on, let's go get pancakes," Dean commanded, rushing to the door, realising how hungry he actually was. They went to the same diner as last time, both ordering a ridiculous amount of pancakes and Dean was pleased to see that Cas had a massive freaking appetite.

"So what are your plans for today?" Castiel asked between mouthfuls.

_Apart from telling you that I love you?_

"I was thinking maybe you wanted to go clothes shopping?" Dean asked.

"But you have clothes Dean," Castiel frowned, licking the sugar from his lips and Dean knew that Cas wasn't trying to be a fucking tease but he seriously seriously was.

Dean gulped "Yeah, but you don't."

"Dean, I'll have my grace back in two days, I do not need to purchase any more clothing."

"So you mean that you're going to go back to wearing that suit and trench coat?" Dean asked disappointedly.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know, I thought you'd maybe want to try out wearing different clothes? Aren't you sick of wearing the same thing all the time?"

Castiel stayed silent for a while, looking down at his borrowed clothing from Dean, "Perhaps I could buy some more. People do give me strange looks when I wear the trench coat throughout the seasons."

"Exactly," Dean beamed, "We'll just buy you some t-shirts and jeans, nothing too fancy."

"Couldn't I just continue wearing your clothes though? I enjoy wearing them," Castiel said plainly.

"Really?" Dean blushed, trying to ignore that he was, yet again, acting like a girl.

"Yes."

"Yeah, but you can't wear my clothes all the time, you've got to have your own. Besides, my stuffs too big for you," Dean pulled at Cas' baggy t-shirt as proof.

"Okay, lead the way to where you purchase clothing," Castiel said, before realising "I don't have money."

"Yeah, but I do," Dean smirked, "I'll treat you."

Turns out, shopping with Cas was actually incredibly easy. Dean tried to get Cas to choose clothes himself but he just stared like a deer in headlights, telling Dean to choose for him. Apprehensively, Dean picked out a couple of plain t-shirts and jeans, nothing that was too out there because Cas wasn't really the type of person to want to stand out. Once he'd found a few of each, he passed them to Cas to try them on, pointing out the changing rooms before Cas had any weird ideas that you would just start getting changed in the middle of the shop.

Dean nearly gasped when Cas came out of the changing room, geared up in his new clothes. Unlike Dean's borrowed clothes, these clothes fit him snugly, the t-shirt just tight enough that Dean could faintly see his ribs and of course, the collarbone was out yet again.

"Dean?" Castiel asked nervously.

"We're buying them," Dean said firmly.

"They look okay? They're suitable for me to look more human?" Castiel asked.

"Yes," Dean answered instantly "They're fucking perfect."

After traipsing around a few more shops, buying Cas a new jacket that Dean couldn't help but think looked very similar to his own, and basic things like socks and underwear (even though Cas had vehemently had said he didn't need them with his grace, Dean forcing him to buy them anyway because if you were going to change your clothes, you were definitely going to change your underwear too), they decided to make their way back to the diner to get some more food.

After they left the shopping mall he was surprised to see that it was already starting to get dark out. A very cheesy thought of  _time flies when you're having fun with Cas_ hit Dean but he pushed it down. This past week he'd been having way too many girly thoughts.

"I enjoyed shopping today Dean," Castiel said, as they walked through the near empty streets.

"Dude, don't say that, it makes the whole day sound all girly," Dean groaned.

"And?" Castiel countered.

"And we're guys."

"I'm not," Castiel protested, "I have no gender."

"Huh," Dean stayed silent for a while "Yeah, but you're  _in_  a guy and wait, no, that sounds dirty.."

"Dirty?" Castiel asked, his head tilting to the left.

"Never mind," Dean sighed, "You can say whatever you want Cas, ignore me."

"I always do," Castiel's lips quirked upwards.

"Hey, did you just make a joke?" Dean bumped shoulders with Cas, enjoying seeing Cas' rare smile that seemed to have made quite a few appearances this week.

"I am capable of making jokes Dean," Castiel retorted and Dean just grinned back at him, thinking about how freaking far Cas had come since the first day that he'd met.

"Give us your money," a voice commanded in front of them.

Dean stopped short, looking ahead to see three boys around the age of eighteen or nineteen blocking their way. Dean cursed to himself, he'd been too busy watching and listening to Cas that he'd totally forgotten to take notice of their surroundings. They were in an alley, the three youths standing in front, Dean turning around to see two more boys behind them.

"I said, give us your money," the boy commanded again.

"Like hell we will," Dean snorted because yeah, five against two but no way was Dean going to give his money to five teenagers when he freaking fought monsters for a living.

"What, you got a death wish or something?" another boy asked and Dean fought the urge not to laugh at the irony in that question.

"Move out of the way," Dean ordered. He considered getting his gun out from the back of his jeans but he figured that pointing his gun at civilians was probably crossing a line, even if they were trying to rob him.

Three boys were suddenly on him, one boy from the back trying to hold him still as the other two punched at his ribs. Dean squirmed his way out of the boy's grip, giving him a swift kick in the shin that caused a cry of pain. He threw out punches to the two other lads, trying to block their punches and kicks. An alarm bell rang at the back of his mind and he turned to look for Cas,  _human_ Cas who could very much get hurt. And that momentary distraction was all it took for the three lads to jump on him, pushing him against the brick wall roughly, a knife suddenly pointed towards his middle. Panicked, Dean looked at Cas and was in slight awe at how well Cas was fighting the two boys off. Even without the powerful force behind him that was his grace he was a good fighter and he was holding off the two fighters pretty well considering. But then Dean caught a glisten of something silver in one of the boy's hands.

"Cas, stop!" Dean yelled out.

Castiel instantly stopped, finding Dean, his eyes widening as he noticed the knife at his ribs. The two boys pushed Cas to the wall too, holding the knife to Cas. Dean had the sudden urge to vomit.

"We don't want to hurt you, just want your money," the boy holding the knife to Cas shrugged like it was no big deal that they had a fucking knife at another human being. If Dean had been alone, he would have risked fighting back and getting his gun out but it wasn't just him and he wasn't going to risk it if it meant Cas getting hurt.

"Alright, alright," Dean growled, searching his pockets for his cash, pushing it roughly into one of the guy's chests "There, happy now?"

"You too," the boy told Cas.

"I don't have money," Castiel told him, his jaw clenched and Dean could spot Cas' smiting face from anywhere.

"What, you simple or something? You  _want_  us to fucking stab you?"

"He's telling the truth, he doesn't have money," Dean uttered, aware of how desperate he sounded, "Check his pockets if you want, he doesn't have any money on him."

The boy narrowed his eyes and patted down Cas' pockets, "Looks like you're telling the truth."

"Yeah," Dean barked.

"Alright, let's go boys," the boy smirked, sauntering off, the rest of the boys following, tucking their knives back to their pockets.

Dean was frozen to the spot for a second, his breath wavering but then he was rushing to Cas, placing his hands on either side of Cas' face, looking him up and down to find any serious injury.

"Are you alright?" Dean demanded.

"Yes I'm fine. Are you-" Castiel began to ask before Dean slammed their mouths together, their noses bumping against each other. Cas made a startled noise into Dean's mouth, eyes wide with surprise. Dean broke the kiss, placing his forehead against a still shocked Cas.

"Don't you ever fucking do that again."

"Do what?" Castiel said, dazed.

Dean laughed shakily, before kissing Cas again. It was like he'd ripped off the band aid and now he couldn't stop himself from taking more. This time Cas was more prepared, nervously placing his hands on Dean's waist, pulling Dean further into him, causing Dean to moan involuntarily. Dean pushed Cas against the wall, letting his tongue flicker into Cas' mouth and for a moment Cas froze, unsure of what to do, but his tongue soon copied Dean's and Dean never wanted to stop. Because it was finally happening.  _Him and Cas. Cas and him._ He'd finally gotten his angel and he never wanted to let go of him.

Castiel broke the kiss this time, looking curiously into Dean's eyes, his cheeks reddened, and it was only then did Dean notice the cut on his eyebrow.

"Shit Cas, you're bleeding," Dean said, hastily searching his pockets for a tissue, ever so carefully dabbing the blood, grimacing as Cas winced slightly. He really wanted to go after those boys and fucking string them.

Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder "Dean, you're shaking."

Dean suddenly realised that he  _was_  shaking, his hand trembling as he mopped up the continuous blood.

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you nearly get yourself killed," Dean tried to say lightly but there was a tremor in his voice that made him inwardly curse.

"I apologise," Castiel smiled softly, placing his hand on Dean's face and Dean couldn't help but melt into it because he'd nearly just lost him. Fuck.  _He'd nearly lost Cas._

Dean tried to calm his breathing, passing the bloody tissue to Cas, "Hold this to your eyebrow, we're going back to the motel."

"What about the food?" Castiel asked as he watched Dean pick up their dropped shopping bags, holding the tissue to his eyebrow.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

It only took them a few minutes to get back to the motel, Dean only noticing then that he was bleeding himself, his knuckles grazed from the few punches he'd managed to get in. God, he should have just shot them there and then, who gave a fuck if they were just kids. They'd held a knife to Cas and that shit didn't fly with Dean. When they reached the parking lot Sam was suddenly there, rushing out of his motel room.

"What happened?" Sam asked frantically, trying to see if there were any major injuries apart from the cut on Cas, visibly relaxing when he couldn't find anything else.

"We were mugged," Dean grumbled, leading Cas to their motel, making him sit down on the edge of the bed.

"What?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Youths attacked us, wanting our money," Castiel explained, letting Dean carefully pry the bloody tissue from his eyebrow, flinching faintly.

"Wait, you were mugged by some teenagers?" Sam asked, "Dean, you hunt monsters for a living!"

"There were five of them and they had a knife to Cas!" Dean shouted back angrily. Sam's face instantly softened, suddenly understanding.

"They had a knife to you too Dean," Castiel frowned.

"Yeah, well," Dean muttered, dabbing Cas' eyebrow with an antiseptic wipe, getting a sharp intake of breath from Cas, "Sorry dude."

"You're both okay though?" Sam asked.

"Yes, we're fine," Castiel smiled up at Sam.

"Thank God for that," Sam sighed.

"There, your cuts all cleaned up," Dean squeezed Cas' leg.

"Thank you Dean, but stop worrying, it's just a cut after all," Castiel chided, placing his hand over Dean's.

"Well, seeing as you're both okay, I'm going to, erm, go," Sam stumbled over his words, probably sensing the tension in the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving Cas and Dean in silence.

"I nearly fucking lost you," Dean whispered, biting his lip.

"Dean, it's just a cut," Castiel frowned.

"Yeah, but it could have been worse. I don't- I don't know what I would have done if- Jesus Cas," Dean trailed off and he was embarrassed to find that he was near tears.

Castiel lifted Dean's chin so their eyes met "I'm not going anywhere Dean."

Dean stared for a second before reaching forward, kissing Cas again, letting out all his fears and worry of losing Cas. Castiel wrapped his hands around the back of Dean's neck, pushing him in further, needing this as much as Dean. Dean let his hands explore Cas' chest, lowering them before he reached the hem of his shirt, lifting it up. Castel froze, eye wide.

"Sorry Cas, we don't have to-" Dean started before Cas pulled his shirt over his head.

"I want to," Castiel said determinedly, kissing Dean hungrily, letting Dean trail his fingers over Cas' bare chest, before throwing his own shirt off. Dean kissed Cas' neck impatiently as Cas unbuttoned his jeans, whimpering softly to Dean's kisses. Cas fumbled with getting his jeans off so Dean kissed Cas' stomach before pulling Cas' jeans off eagerly, pulling his off afterwards. He pushed Cas down to the bed, Dean following.

He leant down and kissed Cas on the lips, letting his tongue explore, deepening the kiss as Castiel moaned, his hands all over Dean, as if he wanted to touch every little inch of him. Dean nipped Cas' neck playfully, before trailing kisses down Cas' chest and stomach. His hands held on to Cas' boxers, looking up at Cas first, waiting for Cas to nod before he pulled them down, throwing them across the room. Before he could do anything Cas' hands were on Deans boxers, urging them down too, so Dean pulled his own boxers off as quickly as he could, straddling Cas' hips, moaning as their dicks made contact.

Dean placed his hand over Cas' dick, causing a startled moan from Cas. Dean couldn't help but chuckle softly as he started a quick, steady motion, Cas bucking his hips upwards to Dean's grasp. Dean leant down and kissed Cas' damn collarbone, something he'd been wanting to do since seeing him in his t-shirt. Cas' hands trailing through Dean's hair, not knowing where else to put them. Dean nipped on Cas' nipple which let out the biggest moan so far and Dean did it again and again, wanting to keep getting that moan from Cas.

"Dean!" Cas' startled cry broke the moan.

Dean leant forward, kissing Cas on the lips softly "It's alright Cas, I've got you."

"Dean, I've never- I've never felt this-" Cas started, gripping onto Dean's back, breathing heavy.

"Sh Cas, just let go," Dean trailed kisses down Cas' neck and Cas came, his body trembling under Dean, holding onto Dean tightly. Dean kissed Cas on the neck again, letting his fingers trail his jaw and chest. Cas just gripped him tight, still panting.

"Good?" Dean asked, still kissing Cas' neck.

"Ye-Yes," Castiel gulped causing Dean to chuckle softly into Cas' neck. He pulled himself off Cas, letting his arm drape around Cas' waist, holding him in tightly before Cas sat up.

"Cas, what are you doing?" Dean asked.

Castiel cast his eyes downwards, his hand hovering over Dean's dick.

"Cas, you don't have to return the favour, it's cool," Dean said and fuck, that was the first time he'd ever been prepared to do that for anyone ever. But Cas was different, it was all new to Cas and he didn't want to force him into anything too soon. In all honesty, Dean was fine with just doing what they did because he was just so fucking happy that he'd gotten his angel he didn't really care.

"I want to," Castiel said determined and Dean was suddenly very very turned on. Cas cautiously began to straddle Dean's thigh and fuck, that was the hottest thing Dean had ever seen in his life.

"I want to, I just don't know how to-" Castiel frowned.

"What happened to you not having an innocent mind and seeing things that even I hadn't dreamed of?" Dean smirked, teasing slightly.

"When did I say that?"

"When you were drunk."

"Oh," Castiel looked away from Dean, "I just don't want to disappoint you."

"Woah woah woah," Dean sat up, placing his arms around Cas' waist, "You could never disappoint me alright? You being here with me right now, that's the furthest I can be from being fucking disappointed."

Dean was certain that he'd just started a chick flick moment but he didn't really care because Cas was in his arms and nothing else really mattered and Cas needed to hear these things, that Dean didn't just see this as an easy fuck, that Cas fucking mattered way more than that.

"You mean that Dean?" Castiel stared at Dean squarely.

"Course I do you idiot," Dean kissed him softly, "Look, just try and copy what I did, I'll help you through it."

Castiel gently placed his hand over Dean's dick, way too gently, and slowly started to move his hand up and down.

"Tighter Cas and faster," Dean murmured into Cas' ear. Cas complied, kissing Dean's neck in the process, then behind his ear. Dean groaned, then noticed that Cas was fucking grinding against Dean's thigh.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean moaned into Cas' shoulder which only seemed to spur Cas on further, quickening his speed and Dean felt like he was going to melt into a puddle right there and then. Cas' tongue flickered against Dean's neck, his free hand gripping the top of Dean's back, holding him in even closer. Dean tried to hold on for longer, he really did, but with Cas grinding against his thigh and him jerking him off way better than any beginner should be able to, he quickly came, practically collapsing onto Cas' shoulder.

"That was- that was good?" Cas asked, letting his hands trail Dean's back.

"Yes," Dean's response muffled into Cas' shoulder.

"Good," Castiel said proudly, not making any effort to move from their position, instead wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, holding him in tighter.

"You don't have to sound so friggin' proud of yourself," Dean muttered, feeling utterly drained.

"Perhaps I should put myself into life threatening situations more often if it elicits such a physical response from you," Cas mused.

Dean leant back, looking into Castiel's twinkling eyes, "Don't you fucking dare."


	9. It's Different With You

Dean woke up grasping at thin air, faintly hearing that the shower was turned on. He opened his eyes to slits and groaned when he saw that is was only six freaking am.  _Six am._ Who woke up this freaking early? Dean threw the covers over his head, willing himself to go back to sleep but all he could hear was water trickling heavily down in the other room. For a small moment Dean considered getting up and getting into the shower with Cas but he figured that it might be too soon to have shower sex or something, he didn't want to scare Cas off. And he was also too tired to get up, even for the slight chance of sex.

He heard the shower turn off in the other room and Dean's fantasy of shower sex was finished. He vaguely wondered that he should be freaking out or something. He'd kissed Cas last night and done a few other things with him too. And now, he was considering shower sex. With a guy. With an angel that was in a guy's body. Yeah, he should totally be freaking out right about now but Dean was surprised to find out that he wasn't. He was, wait for it,  _happy._ He'd finally reached out for something that he wanted and he'd gotten it, something that Dean didn't exactly do every day. He'd finally sorted out his shit and gotten the angel.

Castiel walked into the room, silencing Dean's thoughts and yeah, Dean was definitely right in choosing all those clothes for Cas, those tops were a fucking God send. He couldn't help but grin at Cas, who gave him a weird expression back.

"Cas, what are you doing up so early?" Dean frowned, ignoring Cas' face.

"Dean, it's okay, I-" Castiel breathed out, his shoulders sagging.

"Dude, it's way too early, come back to bed and sleep for God's sake," Dean rolled over so Cas could have room.

"Dean?" Castiel asked and Dean had no freaking clue what he was trying to ask, like Dean said, it was way too early.

"Come back to bed," Dean whined. Cas' face instantly brightened and he crawled back in to bed, ignoring Dean's groan as he let all the cold air in. Castiel promptly cuddled into Dean, letting his face be buried into Dean's chest. Dean had never thought that angels would be cuddlers, least of all Cas, but turns out they frigging loved it. And Dean had to be honest with himself in noticing that he kind of loved Cas holding onto him like he was the world too.

"What Cas?" Dean asked after Cas mumbled something into his chest.

"I thought you would regret what happened between us," Castiel repeated quietly.

"Wait, what?" Dean asked.

"I thought that after you had the night to think about what happened between us, you would ultimately regret it," Castiel said into his chest.

"So that's why you were up early?" Dean felt his body tense.

"Yes, I was going to ask Sam if we could swap to make you more comfortable."

"Shit, Cas," Dean whispered feeling like he was the worst person in the entire world because he'd made Cas feel like this hadn't he? Dean was like a yo-yo ball when it had come to Cas the last few months, one minute laughing with him, the next, barking orders and treating him like their very own monster killing machine and nothing more. Sure, Dean had only reacted like that  _because_ he had feelings for the angel but how was Cas to know that? Castiel didn't understand most human things and Dean was a pretty difficult human to understand.

"Cas, look at me," Dean said softly, coaxing Castiel from his chest. Castiel looked up at him, blue eyes wide, only glancing away from his eyes once as Dean rested his fingers under Cas' chin as if he were the one holding their gaze.

"Look, I know I'm terrible at all this emotional shit. I mean, it took you being cursed, Sammy kicking me up the ass and you nearly freaking  _dying_  for me to make a move, that kinda shows how crap I am at this. But let me tell you right now, I do not, for one second, regret what happened between us yesterday alright? The only thing I regret is taking so long to actually go for it between us."

"Really?" Castiel asked and Dean thought it was the first time that he'd really seen Castiel look this vulnerable.

"Really you idiot," Dean smiled fondly before reaching over, kissing Castiel softly on the lips, letting his fingers graze through Cas' hair, "That prove it to you?"

"Yes," Castiel sighed happily.

"Now come here and go to sleep," Dean tugged Cas back into his arms, smiling at the feeling of holding Cas like this, kissing the top of his head. Then he realised what he'd just done and chuckled softly.

"What?" Castiel asked.

"Cas, it's like you've made me grow a vagina," Dean complained because it was true, he had become ridiculously chick-flicky ever since Cas had come into the picture.

"What?" Castiel pulled back from Dean, eyes wide in confusion, trailing from Dean's face downwards to-

"Not literally! Jesus, Cas," Dean laughed, pulling Cas back to his chest.

"Then what do you mean?" Castiel asked, clearly not enjoying being laughed at.

"You really think that I was a cuddler before I met you?"

"Perhaps not."

"I don't know, it's different with you," Dean muttered.

"Because our relationship started rather differently to your past ones," Castiel explained into Dean's chest, his hand bunching up a part of Dean's shirt.

"What are you talking about? All my relationships start with them pulling me out of Hell," Dean joked. Castiel huffed out a small laugh.

Dean suddenly came to a startling realisation "Hey, what if hadn't have been you?"

"What?" Castiel asked.

"What if it hadn't have been you who pulled me out? What if had been Uriel instead? I'd probably be dead right now," Dean considered, feeling Castiel tense up at Uriel's name which made sense, seeing as he'd tried to kill them all. Castiel needed better siblings…

"And we would never have met. I would have died thinking all angels are dicks, and you would still be an obedient little soldier who followed all of God's orders, never knowing what it felt like to have pancakes or a good handjob," Dean mused tiredly.

"Dean, you're rambling, go to sleep," Castiel told him

Dean wanted to argue back and talk about this revelation some more but he realised that he couldn't really think coherently, let alone explain his thoughts out loud so he rested his chin against Cas' head and let himself drift off.

Dean was woken up to loud knocking from the door, which made Dean groan, snuggling further into Cas because it was still too early and he just wanted to sleep. Sleep was good. Yes.

"Dean, the door," Castiel pointed out the obvious (as usual).

"Leave it," Dean muttered.

"But it's your brother."

"Leave it," Dean moaned, complaining when Castiel pulled himself out of Dean's arms and padded his way to the door.

"Good morning Sam," Castiel said happily.

"Morning. Wait, are those new clothes?" Sam asked distractedly.

"Yes, Dean and I went shopping for some new clothes that I could wear," Castiel said proudly.

"Sam, go away!" Dean shouted childishly, "It's too early."

"Dean, its ten o'clock, that's not early."

"It is when you were woken up at six because your angel thought you were about to have some gay freak out," Dean complained under the duvet he'd pulled over his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Never mind," Dean muttered.

"Come on Dean, let's go have breakfast with your brother."

"No."

"There will be pancakes," Castiel said as casually as he could.

Dean was silent for ten seconds before sighing "Give me ten minutes."

"We'll wait in the car," Castiel said, amusement in his voice.

Dean groaned but got up anyway because he wanted those damn pancakes. He had the shortest shower possible and threw on his clothes and was out the motel in his allotted time. Castiel and Sam instantly shut up when he got to them and he was instantly suspicious.

"What were you guys talking about?" Dean asked, giving the car keys to Sam because he was too tired to drive, before getting into the passenger seat.

"About what happened with you two yesterday," Sam said, following Dean and Cas, and getting into the car. Dean cast a sharp glance at Cas because he knew that Cas wasn't exactly all knowing of human conversations but even he must know not to discuss your freaking sex life with the person's brother. Right?

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, trying to keep the panic from his voice and failing miserably.

"About how you got mugged," Sam frowned, "I didn't really hear the whole story yesterday so Cas was filling me in."

"Oh, right, the mugging."

"Why, what did you think I meant?"

"I don't know."

"Right," Sam said unconvincingly before shrugging it off, "I'm just glad that neither of you got seriously hurt, that's all. I'm surprised you didn't go after them and shoot them though."

Dean looked at Cas, who was still wearing a ugly red cut on his eyebrow "Yeah, well I should have."

"So you went clothes shopping then?" Sam asked, clearly trying to change the subject onto something a bit more cheerful.

"Yeah, we had fun didn't we Cas?" Dean winked at a bemused looking Castiel.

"Yes, we had a lot of fun," Castiel smiled knowingly.

"I'm not even going to ask," Sam muttered, pulling into the diner's car park.

They sat down in a booth, Dean sitting next to Cas, Sam sitting opposite who was wearing his massive grin again and Dean didn't know why. He narrowed his eyes but that only made Sam grin further, looking from Cas to Dean and then back again.

"What's your order?" the waitress asked.

"I'll just have a coffee thanks," Sam smiled.

"Two plates of pancakes please with a large amount of syrup please," Castiel ordered to the waitress but not taking his eyes of Dean, a pleased smile on his face. The waitress just nodded and left them to it.

"So what are we doing today?" Dean asked. Sam just shrugged in reply and then went back to grinning again.

"What do you want to do Cas?" Dean turned to Castiel.

"Me?" Castiel asked.

"No, the other Cas," Dean said sarcastically.

Castiel was silent for a while before asking "What do humans normally do in their spare time?"

"I don't know, we're not exactly normal humans," Dean replied honestly before looking at Sam for advice because Sam had lived like a normal human for a while so surely he must have something.

"Um, we could, um, go to the cinema?" Sam offered.

"Cas?" Dean asked, waiting for Cas' input.

"I would like that," Castiel nodded.

"Okay, we'll go to the cinema, watch a film, pretend to be normal," Dean shrugged, realising how much the prospect of being normal actually pleased him. Sure, he didn't want to be permanently normal with a house and a picket white fence but the occasional days like this? Yeah, he could handle that.

The waitress returned with Sam's coffee and Dean and Cas' pancakes. Dean tucked in quickly and he felt like a proud mama when he saw Cas wolfing his down too.

"Sam?" Castiel paused between mouthfuls, looking at Sam fondly.

"Yeah?" Sam asked, frowning slightly.

"I wanted to thank you for 'kicking Dean up the ass' so he no longer feels that he has to hide his affections towards me" Castiel said seriously.

"Cas!" Dean hissed, feeling his cheeks redden.

Sam just laughed "You're welcome Cas. Honestly, Dean is the king of not speaking about his feelings so someone had to tell him to sort his shit out."

"I am right here you know," Dean grumbled, making Sam laugh harder, Cas even quirking his lips upwards "We're going to the cinema or what?"

"I haven't finished my pancakes yet," Castiel pointed out innocently, pushing the last mound of pancake into his mouth, licking the syrup of his lips, not taking his eyes off Dean and Dean supressed the urge to put his tongue down the angel's throat because his brother was here and that would be awkward.

"Done now?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

"Let's go then."

In the end, they chose an action film to watch. Dean was not going to watch any of those shitty rom-com films even though he'd been acting like a girl lately and Dean and Sam tended to sway from the horror films because they always got everything wrong and, well, sometimes they got them a little too close to comfort. Dean had ordered the biggest popcorn they had for him and Cas to share, much to Cas' delight, while Sam just stuck with a small popcorn because he was a health freak. They managed to bag the back seats perfectly in the middle, Castiel looking wondrously around his new surroundings, even watching the shitty adverts with a non-blinking gaze.

The movie eventually started but Dean kept swaying his eyes from the film to look at the awe on Cas' face. It made his heart surge just to see Cas this happy, that he'd contributed to making Cas feel like that. Without a thought, he reached over and took hold of Cas' hand tightly. Castiel cast his eyes from the film to look down at their linked hands before smiling widely at Dean. To Dean's surprise, Castiel leaned forward, brushing their lips together quickly before sitting back on his chair and watching the film intently again as if nothing had happened. He heard Sam clear his throat loudly to the left of him but he still couldn't take his eyes of Cas.

"So whipped," Sam whispered, teasingly.

"Fuck you," Dean muttered back, elbowing Sam's side.

* * *

 

"You had a good day Cas?" Dean asked as they made their way in to their motel after saying goodnight to Sam.

"Yes I did, thank you. I enjoy-" Castiel licked his lips, walking into Dean's personal space "learning about different human customs with you."

"Well, you are pretty tragic at knowing human stuff so someone has to teach you," Dean smirked playfully, tugging on the belt loops on Cas' jeans to bring him closer. Castiel let himself be pulled into Dean, snaking his arms around Dean's waist hesitatingly.

"I thought it would take you longer to be okay with this," Castiel thought aloud.

"Honestly? So did I," Dean shrugged, placing his hands on Cas' hips, "But like I said this morning, it's different with you Cas. I don't know, it's like I've waited so long to freaking do something about my feelings for you so now that they're out in the open I don't really give a shit about anything else apart from being able to do this"

Dean reached down and kissed Cas pointedly, letting Cas' bottom lip be placed between his. He nibbled at it gently. Cas melted into the kiss, parting his mouth so Dean's tongue could slide in. Dean obliged willingly, letting his tongue trace around Cas' mouth, Cas' warm breath tantalising. Castiel pushed him against the door, causing Dean to moan into Cas' mouth, pulling Cas further into him.

Dean unwillingly broke free and said breathily "Bed, now."

Castiel nodded, pulling Dean to the bed, both of them falling with a tangle of limbs. A throaty chuckle hit Dean's lips before he snaked his hands down Cas' chest, forcing Cas' shirt over his head. He trailed kisses down Cas' neck, collarbone and stomach, loving the feel of Cas' melting to his touch.

This was different than the day before. Then it had been filled with a desperate want and need to have each other right there. There was need now but it was a different kind of need, it was a need to feel and taste every single part of the other, to trace their fingertips over their lips, their hip bones. The need to just  _be there_.

Dean kissed Castiel roughly on the mouth, deepening the kiss, his hand kneading Cas' nipple. Castiel whimpered slightly, before pulling away from Dean's mouth so he could pull Dean's shirt off. Now it was Cas' turn. He traced his fingertips over Dean's cheek and lips, almost in awe, letting them fall lower to rest over Dean's heart. He pulled himself up to kiss Dean's mouth, feeling Dean's heart pound with lust. Dean let his hand feel Cas over his jeans, causing Cas to jerk his hips upwards in surprise.

"Get them off Dean," Castiel commanded, his voice trembling slightly. Dean didn't need to be told twice. He pulled Cas' jeans off, letting his boxers go next. Before he stripped himself, he kissed Cas' hipbone, letting his fingers brush over Cas' dick teasingly.

"Dean," Castiel groaned.

"Alright Cas," Dean chuckled, before pulling off his own jeans and boxers, throwing them across the room. He straddled Cas' hips, leaning down to kiss Cas forcefully on the lips, both pair of eyes closed. Cas' hands trailed Dean's back, letting his fingernails dig in. Dean broke the kiss, letting his tongue flicker onto Cas' neck, nipping playfully, feeling Cas shudder underneath him in pleasure.

"Dean, I want-" Castiel started, panting slightly.

"What do you want Cas?" Dean whispered into Cas' ear before nibbling at it.

Castiel groaned before saying simply "You."

"You've got me Cas."

"I want all of you," Castiel said, digging his fingernails even more into Dean's back.

"Well that can be arranged," Dean said huskily, letting his lips find Cas' before asking "You trust me Cas?"

"Yes," Castiel said instantly.

Dean couldn't help but grin at that, pecking Cas affectionately before pulling himself off Cas.

"Dean, what are you-"

"Hang on a sec Cas," Dean winked mischievously before rummaging in his bag.

"What are you looking for?" Castiel asked, looking a little pissed that he'd been left on the bed.

"This," Dean held up the lube, getting back on the bed again, finding his way on top of Cas, kissing his collarbone, then right nipple, feeling Cas writhe below him. He coated his fingers, placing them near Cas' entrance but not pushing in yet because he wanted Cas to want this too.

"You ready Cas?" Dean murmured. Castiel just nodded, his eyelids fluttering. Dean pushed a finger in slowly, careful not to hurt him. Castiel groaned, gripping his fingernails into Dean's forearm, sweat coating his forehead.

"You've got to relax for me," Dean kissed Cas' jaw and throat, his tongue flickering out, waiting until the tension in Cas' muscles faded. When Castiel seemed to relax, he pushed a second finger in, pushing them in further and then Castiel moaned. Dean smirked proudly, letting his fingers hit against Cas' prostate again. Castiel arched his head backwards, exposing his throat so Dean leaned down and kissed it, moving his fingers around inside Cas.

"Dean," Castiel moaned, "Please."

"What Cas?" Dean asked innocently, hitting against Cas' prostate again.

Castiel moaned again, pushing his ass further down into Dean's fingers "I want you Dean."

Dean kissed Cas roughly on the mouth, biting Cas' lower lip. He pulled his fingers out slowly, smiling at how this made Cas let out a complained sigh. He manoeuvred slightly into a better position and then slowly pushed himself into Cas. Castiel let out a guttural moan, his neck arched. Slowly but surely, Dean pushed all of himself into Cas, sweat dripping off his back as he felt Cas' tightness. Castiel looked up at him with wonder and pure love, his hand brushing up and down Dean's arms. Dean laced is fingers with Cas and pulled them up to rest either side of Cas' head. Dean leaned down and kissed Castiel again, letting Castiel's tongue explore his mouth. While he did this, he started to move, thrusting slowly, their breath hitching. Dean continued to kiss him, quickening his pace slightly, concentrating on the feeling of Cas and only Cas. Cas let out a deep moan and Dean knew he'd hit his prostate.

"Dean," Castiel moaned loudly spurring Dean to go quicker, slamming himself against Cas' prostate again and again. Castiel pushed up his legs and wrapped them around Dean so that every move Dean moved caused friction against Cas' dick.

"Dean, I'm going to-"

"Come for me Cas," Dean ordered and with that Castiel came, his whole body trembling. Dean came seconds after, Cas' name on his lips. He collapsed onto Cas, not having the energy to move and realising that he didn't really want to. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, panting into Dean's neck.

"We should do that more often," Castiel mused, his voice dripped with want.

Dean chuckled into Cas' chest "Yep, we really should."


	10. It Was All Over

Dean woke up to spooning with Castiel. Dean wondered at what precise moment he had actually became a girl. But still, he was the bigger spoon, that had to mean he could keep some of his man cards right? Probably not. Acting like the complete girl he'd become, he snuggled further into Cas, kissing behind Cas' ear. He heard a content sigh come from Cas, hands covering his own that were wrapped around Cas' waist.

"Good morning Dean," Castiel said sleepily.

"Morning," Dean smiled and then a sudden realisation hit him and he felt nausea sit in, "Wait Cas, shouldn't you be, y'know, angel'd up right now?"

"Relax Dean," Castiel said calmly, "the witch told us that the curse would be broken exactly seven days after it was made. If we are to stand by that logic it means that I want be able to reach my grace until eleven fifty tonight."

"That's when the curse was made?"

"Yes," Castiel replied, "So stop worrying."

"I wasn't," Dean protested. Castiel let out a huff of laughter so Dean tickled his ribs slightly in reply. Castiel squirmed, before letting out a full on laugh, slapping Dean's fingers to stop him which only spurred Dean on further. He ticked his ribs harder, Castiel laughing harder involuntarily, trying to escape Dean's grasp.

"Dean, please!" Castiel laughed. Dean couldn't help but snicker at Cas trying to wiggle away from him. It was weird to hear Cas laugh this loudly and openly and Dean realised that if he had to, he'd tickle him every day to force it out of him. He jumped on Cas, letting his hands slide up his shirt, tickling him further. When Castiel was finally begging for mercy Dean stopped with a satisfied grin, pecking him on the lips.

"Dean!" an indignant Sam shouted through the door, knocking the door twice.

"My brother is such a cock blocker," Dean sighed, getting off Cas, throwing on some sweats before walking to the door.

"A what?" Castiel tilted his head to the side, his face still red from being tickled.

"Never mind," Dean chuckled and then pointed at Cas "Don't tell him I said that."

"Okay."

Dean opened the door to a very tired and very annoyed looking Sam so Dean being the perfect big brother decided to ignore this and just grinned away and said "Morning Sammy."

Sam growled "Do you have any idea how freaking loud you were last night?"

"What?" Dean asked, his voice slightly higher than usual.

"You two were so loud I had to go book another room so I could sleep," Sam glared at Dean.

"Apologies," Castiel murmured, sounding the least sincere you could possibly sound. Dean barked out a laugh at Cas before looking back at his glaring brother. He felt his cheeks redden. His brother had heard things when he'd been with a woman, hell, he may have walked in a couple of times, but this was kind of different seeing as it was with a dude. It was just… Weird.

"Whatever," Sam grumbled, "From now on I'll just make sure my room is on the other side of the motel."

"Everybody wins," Dean grinned, his cheeks still flushed.

"Anyway, I only came to see whether you could reach your grace yet," Sam said, sitting on the edge of what was once Dean's bed.

"Nah, we figured that-" Dean started.

"We?" Castiel raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah,  _we,"_ Dean scowled at Cas, "Anyway,  _we_ figured out that if what the witch was saying was true, he wouldn't be angel'd up until tonight at ten to midnight."

"Exactly seven days after the curse was made, yeah, I was thinking that too" Sam finished, nodding in agreement which made Dean feel like kind of an idiot because everyone had worked it out apart from himself. Whatever, at least he had his looks.

"Oh and I forgot, Bobby called, he's found us a new job," Sam passed the newspaper over to Dean, "Couple of miles from here, three people have all died in that museum in the past two months. He thinks it's probably a spirit."

"Okay," Dean passed the newspaper to Cas, "We'll go tomorrow."

"Why not today? It's only a couple of hours away" Sam frowned.

"Because Cas is still cursed," Dean replied simply.

"Dean, what do you think is going to happen to me during a car journey?" Castiel quipped. Dean opened his mouth to reply but realised that anything that he said would sound whiny and overprotective so he shut his mouth again.

"It's alright, we'll go tomorrow morning," Sam backed up Dean, smiling knowingly at his brother, "Besides, I really doubt it will happen, but if Cas doesn't become a fully-fledged angel tonight, we need to be here to cast the spell to bring that witch back."

"So we can gank the bitch," Dean grinned.

"Yeah," Sam said tiredly.

"As much as I love killing monsters we better not have to tonight," Dean said stonily.

"I'm with you on that one," Sam agreed.

That night they decided to go to a bar, though Castiel was still barred from any alcoholic drink. Dean had come up with the idea to celebrate Cas' return to being all at one with his grace again. No-one mentioned the fact that Castiel wasn't yet and wouldn't be till later that night. Sam and Cas could see what Dean was doing. He was worried that the curse wasn't going to be broken and this was his way of trying to ignore those doubts and pretend it was a sure thing. Still, neither Sam or Cas minded the celebration, it was nice to be able to just be in each other's company without talking about a hunt or how one of them had nearly died again.

"I'll get the next set of drinks," Dean winked at Cas, squeezing his leg before getting up to the bar.

"I'll help," Sam offered. Dean narrowed his eyes at that, knowing full well that Sam knew he didn't need any help. Dean recognised this as one of Sam's 'I want to give you a quick heart to heart with feelings and everything' moments and he figured he'd let Sam say whatever he wanted to say. Sam had been a pretty amazing little brother the past week so he had to give him this. Dean gave another reassuring wink at Cas before gesturing his brother to follow him.

"Okay, what do you want to say?" Dean asked when they were out of earshot.

"I wasn't going to say anything," Sam feigned innocence. Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Alright then, I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you and Cas, apart from the whole me hearing you two having sex thing," Sam's nose crinkled, "But other than that, I'm happy for you guys. Just don't mess it up alright?"

"Mess it up?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, by being your usual dickish self," Sam smirked.

"You're such a bitch," Dean shoved Sam playfully, before ordering their drinks.

When their drinks were served he turned to Sam seriously and said "Thanks Sammy for, y'know, kicking me up the ass."

"Cas already thanked me for that remember?" Sam's eyes twinkled.

"Yeah, well I'm thanking you now," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, you're welcome Dean," Sam smiled.

"Oh, and I'm not going to mess up this thing with Cas alright?" Dean said sincerely.

"Oh I know you won't, you're like a love sick puppy Dean."

Dean grunted at him before storming back to Cas, ignoring Sam's laughter. He handed Cas his coke and casually placed his arm around him. Cas only smiled faintly at this, shuffling nearer to Dean, letting his hand rest on Dean's knee.

"Aw, aren't you two adorable?" Sam teased, sitting opposite them.

"I will shoot you," Dean warned. Sam flashed a grin back.

After a few more drinks it was getting later and the next time Dean checked his watch it was twenty to midnight.

"Hey Cas, it's nearly time that you get your mojo back," Dean pushed his watch into Cas' face.

"Yes," Castiel agreed.

"Well, shouldn't we get out of here?" Dean asked.

"Why?" Castiel's eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't know, what if you start glowing or something?" Dean asked genuinely.

Castiel's lips quirked upwards "That's doubtful Dean."

"Hey, you angels like to glow a lot and burst people's eyes, it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Dean's right, we should go outside, just in case," Sam nodded in agreement.

"Okay," Castiel sighed but let himself be pulled up by Dean.

Sam grabbed Dean's elbow "I'm just going to the bathroom; I'll see you at the car."

Dean nodded at Sam, before leading the way out of the crowded bar, Castiel on his tails. It was dusky outside and weirdly empty but Dean supposed it was helpful for them in case Cas did start glowing like the freaking sun because no-one would be around to see it. He figured that they should go to the car anyway, it was the best place for Cas to get his powers back really and it was only two minutes away. He started to walk that way and Castiel followed, lacing their fingers together. Dean looked down at their joined hands but he didn't say anything, instead only gripped onto Cas, pulling him closer.

"We're such girls," Dean muttered.

"I agree with that one," a voice from ahead spoke.

Castiel and Dean stopped in their tracks, both taking into account the three people before them. The girl that spoke blinked, showing her true demon self. The two men either side of her just smiled menacingly.

"What do we owe the pleasure?" Dean asked, trying to keep the edge off his voice. He fought the urge to stand in front of Cas and protect him because that would only alert the demons into knowing that Castiel needed to be protected for some reason.

"Well, rumour has it our favourite little angel had a fight with a witch and isn't an angel anymore," the girl cooed.

_Shit._

"Yeah, well you heard wrong so you better get the hell out of here before he smites the crap out of you or better yet, I kill you with my nice demon knife," Dean snarled, before realising that Sam had the knife, not him. Shit, they were completely screwed.

"Stop talking Dean," the girl flicked her wrist and Dean was suddenly locked against the wall, "Do you think we're idiots Dean? He has a cut above his eyebrow and I don't know about you but angels don't get cuts that stick like that."

Dean opened his mouth to reply, to say anything but his jaw was locked. He struggled against the invisible arms tightened around him but it was no use. He stared at Cas helplessly, willing at him to run, to do anything. Castiel glanced at him, then back at the demons, his eyes penetrating. Dean willed for his brother to come back and soon. Sure, Castiel had handled himself pretty well against those two muggers but this was different, this was three  _demons_ and Dean didn't like the odds.

"Will you hurry up before the other one gets here," the girl ordered and with that the two demons were on Cas, blades in their hands. Castiel blocked two shots to his stomach, kicking the taller demon in the shin, punching his jaw and the demon staggered back but was back on his feet in seconds. The other demon sliced the top layer of Cas' skin on his forearm causing Cas to hiss in pain but he countered the next shot that would have been fatal.

Unable to take his eyes off the fight, Dean willed Sam to turn up. Castiel was fighting back strongly, much better than any normal hunter probably could but he couldn't keep this up, not when he was still human. He couldn't hold up until his grace came back.

Dean tried to shout in warning as the demon leapt forwards to stab Castiel but he found his jaw was still locked by the other demon. He could do nothing but watch as the demon pulled Cas into him, his blade pushing into Cas' abdomen. Castiel gasped, his eyes fluttering downwards to see the blade fixed into him.

_No._

And Dean was suddenly dropped from his grip to the wall but it was too late, it was all too late. He ran towards Castiel and in the back of his mind he heard the demons fighting, crying in surprise and he could only guess that Sam had arrived. But it was too late.

"Cas?"

"Dean?" Castiel gasped.

"I'm here Cas, I'm here," Dean looked down at the blood seeping out of his wound, "Hey, you're going to be okay, everything's going to be okay. It's not even that bad, you're going to be fine Cas."

"Dean?" Castiel asked and to Dean's horror a thin trail of blood escaped Cas' mouth.

"Hey, it's okay Cas," Dean tried to smile through the tears draining his eyes, clasping his hands over Cas', forcing pressure onto the wound, "You've just got to hold on for ten minutes and then you'll be all angel'd up again. Just ten minutes Cas, that's all. You can do that can't you?"

Castiel gulped, not taking his eyes from Dean. Dean looked down at the gash in Cas' stomach, the blood soaked through Cas' shirt, leaking onto their fingers. He looked up to Cas' pale face, his eyes faltering shut.

"I love you Cas, that means you can't fucking die on me alright?" Dean begged, his vision blurry.

Castiel forced his eyes open, a ghost of a smile hitting his face, "I love you Dean."

"Five more minutes Cas, that's all."

Castiel opened his mouth to try to say something but found he couldn't, he could only gasp quick short breaths, his eyes wide in panic.

"Stay with me Cas," Dean put more pressure onto Cas' stomach, "You fucking stay with me you hear?"

More blood spurted out of Cas' mouth as he choked, his eyes never leaving Dean's face "Dean, I-"

"Cas please," Dean pleaded. Tears tracked down Cas' trembling face, his whole body shaking in pain. His eyelids fluttered, his eyes slowly rolling back into his head and then he was still.

"Cas?" Dean whispered.

Nothing.

"Cas?" Dean shouted.

Nothing.

Loud sobs fought their way through Dean. He pulled Castiel into him, hugging his lifeless body, waiting for him to wake up because he had to wake up. He couldn't- he couldn't be gone.

No.

"Fuck," Dean sobbed, his body lurching in grief.

"Dean?" he heard Sam's voice but it was too far away. It was like he was underwater and Sam was at the surface trying to reach him but it was too late, it was all too late.

"N-Not now Sammy," Dean forced himself to say.

It was all fucking over. He'd reached out and found his happiness only for it to be ripped away from him. And he'd lost Cas. Fuck. He'd lost him. No more endless staring or confused head tilts or having to explain the simplest of pop culture. And it wasn't just what he'd lost. It's what he'd never have. He'd never be feel those lips against his again, never be able to teach Cas more human things like how to drive. He'd never be able to show Cas how much he really loved him.

It was all gone and he couldn't fix it, just like everything else in his life. He'd reached over to Cas, only to taint him and bring his death upon him. By falling in love with Cas, he'd ultimately signed his death warrant. He'd fucked it up. Just like everything else. And there was no going back.

"Dean?"

_No, it couldn't be._

"Cas?" Dean asked dazed, letting go of Cas slightly to look down at him, bewildered. Castiel looked up at him, a smile on his lips, any trace of blood vanished.

"I'm here Dean," Castiel smiled. Dean let out a laugh of relief before reaching down and kissing Castiel deeply, not caring that the tears that were still falling from his eyes were wetting Cas' cheeks.

He pressed his forehead against Cas' and joked weakly "Thought I told you to never fucking do that again."

"Yes well, like I said before, me nearly dying seems to bring out your feelings more," Castiel said wryly.

 


	11. Epilogue

The next morning Dean opened his eyes to Castiel watching him, his head rested against the headboard. Castiel smiled when he saw that Dean had woken, letting his fingers brush through Dean's hair affectionately.

"You watching me sleep dude?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Castiel replied before frowning, "Why, should I not?"

"Watch me as long as you like, apparently I like creepy guys," Dean joked, pulling Cas down so they were at eye level. Castiel instantly wrapped his arm around Dean, pulling him in.

"So no sleep now you're an angel huh?" Dean asked.

"No but I'll still lie with you in the bed each night if that's okay," Castiel answered.

"Yeah, but isn't that boring for you?" Dean asked because surely just lying there twiddling your thumbs for a few hours with nothing but Dean sleeping as the entertainment couldn't be fun.

"No, while I cannot sleep I can meditate if you like, put myself into a rested wakefulness. It's not as enjoyable as sleeping but it's better than nothing," Castiel shrugged before adding with a slight blush, "And anyway, I like sharing a bed with you."

Dean smiled and pecked Cas on the lips, "Hmm, because I'm so dreamy?"

"Don't be annoying Dean," Castiel remarked, trying to supress a smile and failing. Dean tickled his ribs as a retort, enjoying the fact that even as an angel Cas was still ticklish.

"You glad you can reach your grace then?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Castiel replied instantly, "Very much so."

"Being human wasn't that bad was it?"

Castiel looked at him pointedly but didn't say anything.

"What was so bad about being human? Go on, insult my race," Dean winked but the question was serious. Besides the whole nearly dying thing, Cas had seemed to have fun the past week.

"Well, now I can protect you and Sam," Castiel murmured, letting his hand make slow circular moments at back of Dean's neck.

"You know you're not just here to be our bodyguard right?" Dean asked.

Cas raised an eyebrow "I know that."

"Good," Dean nodded, "What else was bad about being human?"

"The pure frailness of your race, it's very easy to die," Castiel smiled faintly.

Dean's body tightened and he gritted out "Can we not talk about that?"

Castiel kissed his forehead "Sorry."

"So basically you just hated being human," Dean said with a frown.

"No, there were many parts to being human that I enjoyed but those are things I can still enjoy while being an angel," Castiel moved his hand from Dean's neck and started to fiddle with the collar of Dean's shirt.

"Like?" Dean prompted.

"You."

Dean grinned before pulling Cas up on top of him. Even though Castiel could be a slab of concrete if he wanted to, he let himself be pulled, holding himself up by his elbows, looking down at Dean in amusement.

"What else?" Dean asked, leaning up to kiss Cas' neck.

"Pancakes and burgers," Castiel replied, his voice very close to a whimper.

"And?" Dean smiled, kissing and nipping against Cas' pressure point on his neck, letting his tongue glide against it.

"I, er, also enjoyed the feelings of having showers," Castiel said breathily.

"You know what's better than having showers?" Dean asked.

"W-What?" Castiel asked, a small moan escaping his lips when Dean went to nibbling at his ear.

Dean whispered brazenly "Shower sex."

And with a blink of an eye Dean found himself naked in the shower with a very naked Castiel.

And Dean realised there were some more perks to Cas being an angel that met the eye.

 


End file.
